The Transformation of Isabella Marie Swan
by Elphaba Cullen
Summary: ADULT Bellice. Takes place immediately after the movie Eclipse ends. Bella is forced to look long and hard at her life and her decisions. What will she choose and who and most importantly what will she become? Rated M for language, violence and sex. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW.
1. Chapter 1

"The Transformation of Isabella Marie Swan"

Prologue

84 days before Isabella Marie Swan moved to Forks, Washington.

A thin layer of water crystals some sixty-thousand feet high gave the light reflected from the moon an almost ethereal glow. A whitish blue frosted haze bathed the rivers, valleys, mountains and forests; painting the Olympic Peninsula below with its semi-opaque shimmering light. Creatures of the night basked in the moon's glory, using it to augment their finely honed nocturnal senses, hunting and gathering, mating and killing; repeating their daily cycles yet never aware of just when their all-too brief existence would be brought to an end. For the mice and smaller mammals, the owls resting in almost preternatural stillness barely registered upon their consciousness, for the owls were experts of the hunt and experts at waiting. Their bodies still as statues but their eyes never stopped moving, scanning...tracking. They waited. Time was meaningless to them, as they watched until their unwitting victim was close enough and distracted enough for them to swoop down, sink their razor sharp talons deep into the animals flesh and lift them up into the night air. Their prey's life draining away in sync with the speed at which the ground fell away from their twitching feet. And from the tallest tree on the ledge of the western edge of a ravine, another creature of the night watched all of this—life and death, the majesty and tragedy of nature unfold, with cold dead black eyes and an even colder dead heart.

For hours it had sat there, perched on a branch three-quarters up the tree, never moving. Insects crawled across its skin, making their way around the 'new branch' as it if were a part of the tree itself. A spider had taken advantage of the shielding from the wind it provided, and had started to spin a new web between the truck of the tree and the hair on the back of the creatures head.

More hours passed, and the other creatures of the night could sense dawn coming, as if the time of day had a unique smell, and hurried back to their dens, roosts, burrows and nests and yet still the creature in the tree sat; never having moved even one millimeter as the night turned into another day.

Just as the spider returned to the center of its web—ready to begin its own hunt—it fell back towards the rough bark of the tree as part of its anchor was wrenched away. The creature leaped suddenly with no warning, as if it had already been in motion, and the world had just had the pause button released, and grabbed hold of a branch further up, using its two hands and nails as claws that sank deep into the hard wood of the tree as easily as a surgeons knife through the soft fatty tissue of a plump and rounded stomach.

Spinning around mid flight allowed the creature to climb the central trunk of the tree as easily as a human might use a ladder and ascended quickly to the top. Here, where the branches were less dense, and less sparse, foliage afforded the best view of the valleys and mountains below—a three hundred and sixty degree panorama of the majestic wilderness in all its beauty. From this height, even the faint spreading mass of lights of Seattle could be seen, especially on a night as clear as tonight. Even closer, a smaller and yet brighter cluster signified the township of Port Angeles, and closer still—seemingly close enough to touch—the much smaller lights of the local town of Forks, Washington.

The beauty of the vista sprawling out all around the creature was as insignificant as the dirt, webbing, insects and frost that adorned its body. The only thing of interest now lay in a small hollowed out section of the tree; the remains of a roost from some animals that had long since departed, made wider and deep by razor sharp and steel hard nails. In fact, its new tenant was already reaching one of its claws deep into the recess until it found its prey. Slowly, almost reverently, it withdrew its bounty—a small parcel wrapped in soft leather tied with a dirty yellow ribbon. Wrapping its two strong legs around the trunk of the tree allowed the creature to sit back, almost as if comfortably reclined in an evening chair. This position allowed it to use both of its two hands to lay the prize on its lap, and with reverent care and grace, it wiped away the dirt and insect matter from the package and slowly untied the bow.

The claws that had climbed the old tree, stripping it of its bark in their hasty ascent now tenderly unfolded the leather to reveal to the waning moonlight an old diary and pen. The diary, whilst obviously very old still, looked in almost perfect condition. The brown leather that bound the book was soft, clearly expensive, with only the words 'My Journal' embossed in gold leaf in the center. From the spin was another ribbon—this one red and thin and was used to mark the position of the owner's last entry. The creature's left hand grazed across the cover of the journal and moved down to the bottom, carefully opening the book by pulling very gently on the red ribbon. Pages of thick, almost sandy colored paper fell open to reveal beautiful and decidedly feminine handwriting; curling script, neat and of even spacing, forming almost perfect horizontal lines on the unmarked paper. Picking up the fountain pen in its right hand, it unscrewed the ebony and gold cap, and in the same feminine script, began to write...

"Dear Journal

His was the first face I saw, and I knew as soon as I fell into his pain-filled and heart heavy eyes, that I would love him forever.

I just knew we were right for each other; that any failings and faults I had, he made up for. Whatever he needed, whatever would bring life back to his deep ruby eyes, I just knew I could provide. It was destiny, and we could complete each other. We would become one. It would be hard to tell where I stopped and where he started. It would be so easy with him. I don't know if I had ever given much thought to 'soul-mates', and these days, the term is banded around with such wild abandon that its true meaning has become devalued and virtually worthless, but in that instant though, that is what I knew we were. Therefore, in just those few moments, the first moments of my life, the die was cast. I didn't know where he was, or how to find him — only that he was out there and in pain and so much sorrow. My life now had purpose; to find him as quickly as possible and love him, as he deserved. For even though his eyes hurt my heart to look into, I could still see the light they could hold — no, would hold again… when I found him.

My life really began that day, and he has told me over and over and over again in the years we've spent together, that his did too. It took so many years to find him, but I never gave up hope. In fact with each day that passed, I grew more and more excited, felt more joy and more alive than the last, with the knowledge that I was one day closer to finding him. It almost became a game, like he was playing hide and seek with me. It's as though he was just around the next corner, waiting in the next town, just one taxicab in front of me, laughing as he led me on my merry chase. I never grew disheartened; in fact, I almost relished the chase. It gave me time to prepare, it gave my rich and by this point, very fertile imagination time to come up with new ways to surprise him, new ways to make him laugh, and new ways to love him.

When we did meet, I know I could barely keep my hands off him. Considering the complete gentleman that he is, it was hysterical trying to watch him calm me down and get me to explain why there in the middle of a diner, that this tiny bundle of giddiness was virtually all over him. Even now, I can still smile at his confused and embarrassed attempts to pull me off of him. It didn't help that it was — how do the young humans today call it? Oh yes, 'the olden days' and such public displays of affection were unheard of back then, at least outside of dark alleys where the prostitutes would roam.

He says that the second I stopped for breath and just stood there smiling up at him that he knew he loved me.

In the time we've been together, I have loved this man with all that I am. I have been there through every struggle he's had, every bitter moment of self-loathing and doubt. I've seen this man bloom under my love, and that of our adopted family and it has always brought me joy and a sense of belonging. It hasn't been one sided either. I may come across, as I have been told many times, somewhere between a golden retriever puppy and a kitten hopped up on cat nip — and don't ask my why I'm always compared to cutesy baby animals, because I don't think I really want to process the answer — but I can assure you that is not always the case. Whilst my life really started with him, it hasn't always been easy. I'm always an outsider. I know that I don't really fit in anywhere, and it hasn't stopped me from trying, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt sometimes. A lot. And he's always been there. Always knew when to try and lift my mood; and more importantly when to leave me alone in my pain, just sit there, holding me, or just touching me, until the clouds would part and I could find my way back to him again.

He's been my lover, my soldier, my gentleman, and my rock. My Jazz...

Until now.

The thing is nothing I've said has changed. I still love him just as much. I still yearn for him. I still want to make him happy and he still makes me happy. It's not that he's changed either. He's still attentive, playful and charmingly funny. His crooked smile and that glint in his eyes when he gets playful still makes my tummy flip. He still "does it for me" as they so unflatteringly say these days, and yet...

And yet there is something coming. There is another set of eyes.

…I feel sick and disgusted with myself.

Because for everything I've told you, everything I've ever felt for my man, my Jasper. Everything that we have meant to each other—and as wonderful and life saving it has been to us both—I know that it still pales to what I feel when I look into that other pair of eyes. And I hate myself for it.

There have been times when my so-called gift has been a curse. Spoilt surprise gifts, birthdays, etc, and don't even get me started on his proposal... but even then, no matter how much I knew about what was coming, it never really "hurt". And it certainly had never hurt anyone else. I know I've prevented humans from finding us out, or prevented a very dangerous situation when I could see a human's blood spilt and been able to steer my family. Edward especially, away, before the human even got themselves into trouble.

But last month, when I saw those chocolate brown eyes burning into me, I never hated my gift more. Jasper has known something has been wrong with me ever since, but as always, he's been the perfect gentleman, reminding me lovingly that I can talk to him whenever and about whatever, without judgement or recrimination. Just how damning is that! He must know! And yet, he still makes love to me just as tender and giving as ever, and I still love him, with no reservations.

Only now, I have guilt to add.

With everything that he means to me, everything I've tried to be for him, and he's been for me. How can I do this?

No the better question is "why" should I do this? I don't have a clue whom those "eyes" belong to, and I certainly wouldn't recognize their name or their face. So maybe I've read it wrong? Could that be it?

Maybe what I'm feeling isn't really real — more of an echo. Yes! That's it! Maybe it's an echo of what someone else will feel when they look into those soft, molten orbs of brown silk and chocolate...

Damn! Stop thinking like that!

Damn brain!

Arrghh!

But maybe I'm onto something... maybe this person has some special meaning to someone close to me—that might be why I have such an emotional reaction to them—because they might.

Ec"

The pen froze, the second letter started but not finished leaving its character imperfectly formed; the writer no longer able to move, to visualize the words and translate them into swirling movements of the pen against the paper. And so the writer sat there, clinging to the top of the tree like a spider-monkey, pen frozen a hairs-breadth from the paper; still, withholding breath, frozen in place as the sun crested the horizon and turned its skin to diamonds.


	2. Chapter 2

"The Transformation of Isabella Marie Swan"

Chapter 1

Bella collapsed backwards onto her bed, her body finally letting go of all the tension the last few hours built up in her, although her mind was just as much of a swirling maelstrom of anxieties, fears and worries as it ever was.

"Thank god that's over with… it can only get easier. Right?" she said out loud, partly in relief and partly to try and convince herself.

For the last two hours she had worked up the courage, and Edwards, to tell her father that she was getting married. It hadn't gone as well as she'd hoped, and she hadn't held any hope it would have to begin with. Her father's feelings towards Edward came out in full display tonight. Normally Charlie was happy with little passive aggressive comments, rolls of the eyes and the not-so-subtle body language that all but screamed 'Get your hands off my daughter before I shoot you and call it self defense - I'm the Police around here and nobody would bat an eye at me son.', however tonight none of that was good enough.

Her throat was a little sore from all the yelling between her and her father, thankfully Edward stayed as cool as ice — pardon the pun — and never raised to her father's bait. Although a few times, she wouldn't have blamed him.

About thirty minutes ago, Edward had finally left when it was clear that there was nothing more he could say or do to help the situation, and whilst he couldn't read Bella's mind, nonetheless he was aware that he was at a good strategic point in the evening to withdraw and let the two Swans battle the rest of it out together. With a small look and a head shake he had offered to return immediately to her room to wait for her, but she didn't want him hearing any more of her and her father's argument and needed the time to decompress so she signaled that she'd rather be alone tonight, and reluctantly he acquiesced to her wishes.

About ten minutes had passed since they had come to an understanding that neither was going to change the others opinion or mind in this matter and so she retired up the stairs to the sanctuary of her bedroom. As she lay on the bed she looked around at all the history in the room, and not for the first time she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach that even without the wedding, very shortly all of this was going to change forever. She was just about to graduate from High School and 'officially' go off to college, however with the deal she'd made with Edward, marriage in return for immortality, she knew that college wasn't on her todo list for some time.

Only to herself would she admit she was nervous about the future. Of course, the idea of growing older while her surrogate family stayed forever frozen in time was so soul shatteringly mortifying that she still had nightmares about it, but that wasn't the main reason for her nerves. In that small dark, silent and guarded part of herself, the one that even she rarely recognized or acknowledged, she knew that she still feared the Cullen's leaving her. That fear, born the day Edward shattered her very core, had never really gone away. It had happened so fast… so easily and she never took one moment foregranted anymore, because just like that - in the blink of an eye, she could lose everything again.

Just what that 'everything' consisted of, she never examined to closely. Some things just shouldn't be known - and she was happy with that. Call her 'ostrich-girl' all you like, but after years and years of not fitting in and feeling like the outsider to her family, her schoolmates and even the world around her, it was her cloak of protection and she was quite attached to it thank you very much.

A knock at her door startled her and she jumped up off the bed a little.

'Oh no, please not round two…' she thought.

"Bella? Can I talk to you?" Charlie asked hesitantly from the other side of door.

"Haven't we said everything we need to say Charlie. You've made your feelings crystal clear." Bella replied, with not a small touch of snideness in her voice. It wasn't like her to talk to anyone in such a manner, lest of all her father, but things had been said tonight that would take more than a little time to stop stinging, for the wounds to close and hopefully heal over with no lingering scars.

A small cough came from the other side of the door and Bella could imagine the embarrassment on her father's face as he fidgeted from one foot to the other as he tried to summon up the words he so often found so hard to say.

"Bella, I don't want to fight, please… can I come in?"

With a cross between a sigh and a huff, Bella sat up, straightened her hair and her top and sat on the edge of the bed. With one final deep breathe she released it and said. "Sure… come in."

The door opened slowly as if the normally tough Police Chief was expecting to be assaulted the moment he became visible. When the door opened enough that he could see his angry and defensive looking daughter sitting on the side of her bed closest to him, a timid looking smile formed on his face.

Bella saw this and if she wasn't still so annoyed and hurt she'd probably laugh at her father looking so timid and contrite, but now wasn't the time for that. She steeled herself against what she felt was coming next.

Her father entered the room and pushed the door almost closed - never block off an exit, his Police training demanded. He took in her face, he could see that she was still angry and more than a little hurt by the words they'd both thrown at each other. Honestly, he probably felt the same, but he hadn't come here to continue the fight, nor had he come to try and change her mind with some new strategy. It was much scarier than that. He'd come to bear his soul to his daughter. To talk about things he'd spent a lifetime keeping inside. He finally realized that he owed her that.

"Mind if I sit down?" He asked politely and more than a little uncomfortably.

Bella took a little pity on her father. The anger and bluster from before was no longer present in his eyes. 'Maybe he's come to apologize and grant us his blessing?' she thought before she swiftly rolled her internal eyes at even thinking such nonsense.

Her complexion softened as she looked at the man who for so much of her life had been a stranger, yet in the last few years had come to mean so much to her. She moved back up the side of the bed towards the headboard and patted the larger space next to her.

"I won't bite. Promise." she said with a slight rueful smile. 'At least not yet I won't.' she finished silently.

Charlie started to move, then stopped, a questioning look on his face. "Pinky promise?"

Bella, despite herself laughed out loud. "Goof." she said affectionately and for the first time since earlier in the afternoon when she and Edward were in the field joking about telling her father their marriage plans, she actually relaxed and smiled with real sincerity at her father.

For all his gruff nature and tacit silence Charlie Swan was a good man. A good father. And now and again he let that playful side he kept so closely hidden out and when he did Bella always felt warmed by it, like a Cat basking in the heat of the midday sunshine, and it never failed to make her feel better.

"Look Bells. I'm… I'm sorry about before - Not about what I said about you and… him, but about the way I said it."

"Charlie!" Bella interrupted, disappointed that she had read the situation so wrong and fully expecting a continuation of the argument.

Charlie brought his hands up in a defensive and placating gesture. "Wait! Bella, please hear me out… this is very hard for me to say, but I promise. If you just hear me out, really listen, and if you still feel the same way… well I guess I'll support whatever decision you choose to make. Okay?"

Bella was shocked. She hadn't expected her father to back down so quickly, and if all she had to do was hear what she felt was his final attack on Edward and then that would be it, then she was happy to bear the brunt of another attack on the man she loved more than life.

After a few moments she took a deep breath, looked her father right in the eyes and said. "Okay. But please don't just hate on Edward. Okay?

It took a moment for her father to work out what she meant, and whilst it still went against his very nature he agreed.

"Fine. Look honey. I know I've not been there for you. I've missed so much of your life and for that I will never forgive myself. I was there when you were small though, and I saw you start to become your own little person. Then I lost you. I'm not blaming anyone. The situation with your mother and me wasn't anyones fault but our own. I regret more than I'll ever be able to say or show you, just how much losing you… hurt me. When you stopped visiting… I know you didn't intend it that way Bells, but it felt like you were rejecting me. Like I had no part in your life. Like I… like I didn't matter." Charlie's voice broke a little.

Bella gasped and threw out her hand and clung onto her fathers larger, rougher but soothingly comforting hand.

"…Dad…"

Charlie took a breath, held up his other hand whilst closing his hand tightly but not too tightly around his daughters and continued.

"Please, don't interrupt." He coughed and cleared his throat before he continued. "I'm not saying this to hurt you honey. I'm not saying this because I expect or even hope for anything from you. I'm saying this because it's important and because it has a huge bearing on what I'm about to say next. Please listen to me honey. Okay?" He looked affectionately into her eyes.

It took all of her inner strength and composure not to blush, cry or throw herself into her fathers arms, and with a shuddering breath she nodded for him to continue.

"Being a parent - even a pretty worthless one like myself is hard. You'll find out one day. You spend half your time in near panic that you're doing all the wrong things, and the other half spent worrying you're not doing or saying enough. Your mother, well she hasn't been the best role model for you. I know what it's been like. I know that you spent most of your time looking after her, even before you were a teenager, and I know the real reason why you came to stay out here with me."

Bella's jaw dropped open. Sure she'd told Alice, Angela and Edward but she hadn't expected her father to know the truth. She really should stop underestimating the man.

"It's okay Bella. It was a very kind and generous thing you did. I knew you didn't want to be here, or be with me, and ordinarily it would speak very highly of your character that you would do such a thing for your mother, but it's not right - and I'll come onto that."

Bella went from shocked to confused. Surely he wasn't implying that she'd been treating him with such little respect. Sure she hadn't wanted to move here, but that wasn't really about him. Was it?

"Bella. I'm what I suppose they call a 'Man's man'. I like sports, fishing, beer. The simple life, but I'm also a Police Chief and I have spent my lifetime watching people. I may not always be able to practice what I preach but I have tried my best to be fair. Before you were born, I prayed to god that you would be a boy. Now that's not to say that you were a disappointment or that I would change anything, but honestly, things are easier with boys. It's a man's world honey. It might be wrong, but that's the way it is - at least for now.

I've watched how men, how the world treats women. Hell I've treated women and girls just as poorly when I was a young man. Don't think I don't know that if you were a boy I wouldn't be expecting to come home to a clean house or to a prepared dinner. I know this, and yet it's a pattern we all fall into. I'm not saying it's right. Hell I know it's not right, but its… easy even when it's so wrong.

I'm just as much to blame as anyone, but I can tell you this… when I first held you in my arms I swore to myself that I would make this world a better place for my daughter. That nobody would ever hold you down, prevent you from reaching her full potential, especially not because of your gender.

I cried when I held you… I cried because I knew how hard things were going to be for you and how much I wanted for you…" Charlie broke off. His eyes glistening.

Bella had no such control and tears were freely falling from her eyes as she gripped her strong fathers hand even tighter. She wanted to say so much, but she couldn't - not just because of Charlie's request but because if she unclenched her teeth to speak she might start sobbing and never be able to stop. In all her life, nobody - including Edward - had ever opened up as honestly or as deeply emotionally as her father was. And the fact that it was him just blew her mind.

After taking a few more moments to compose himself Charlie continued.

"You've always been a quiet kid. You never even cried much when you were teething, but not once Bella," he shook her hand and stared deeply into her eyes trying to convey the depth of his feelings and their sincerity, "not one single time Bella, did you ever as a child let yourself be controlled or contained. Your spirit would fill the room. Even when you were sat in your high chair, drawing or coloring or even playing with your food, your mother and I would get this sense that you were everywhere. As quiet as you were you took everything in, you thought about things before you said them. You weren't one of these kids that just demands answers or stubbornly refuses to do anything their parents say. Your mother used to call you an 'old soul'. It was like you were watching us, watching the world and taking it all in. You'd smile a lot then. When you were a little kid. You almost never stopped smiling. And you know what Bells? You were never afraid. When you fell over - which you did all the time, and you grazed your knee or skinned your hands, you'd never cry or fuss. You'd just pick yourself up and carry on with whatever you were doing, you never let that stuff get in the way of enjoying yourself or just being yourself."

Charlie took a deep breath and gave his daughter's hand another gentle and affectionate squeeze.

"But that changed. It changed when I lost you. The young woman that turned up almost two years ago was nothing like my little girl. Now, I am fully aware of how hard the teenage years are - I've been there myself back in the day, and I've spent my lifetime around every teenager in this town. I know it's confusing, scary, and it's a time to start cutting those apron strings and rebelling against school and your parents. It's a time to find new boundaries and experiment. But as much as it's a beginning it's also an end. It's an end to childhood and childish things. But you know what I've seen in the years I've been looking after the people of this town?"

Bella shook her head, completely engrossed in her fathers words.

"If you strip out all that angsty teenage rebellion crap, you can still see the little kid they used to be in there deep down. And you can just start to see the adult that they will be for the rest of their lives. We all keep that little kid inside us, when all the growth spurts, the changing bodies, new… desires and experimentations all peter out, it's that core kid we used to be that becomes the foundation for who we'll spend the rest of our lives becoming.

But I can't see her in you sweetheart. It's like… it's like she died…" He paused. "No, actually that's not true… I know you're not going to like this, but if I think about it, she's still there, alive and well, and I've seen her - brief flashes." Charlie started to feel excited even as sad as he was, new images coming into his mind and giving him hope. "And do you know when?"

Bella shook her head.

"When you're with Alice… I can't believe I didn't see it before!" he paused. "I know you don't see it honey but it's like… it's like he sucks the very life out of your, like everything that makes you you just… disappears. And Alice is the only one I've seen that brings it back.

With him you don't laugh, you don't smile. You're so serious. You cling to him, you watch his every move like a hawk. You 'defer' to him in almost every decision. And it makes me sick.

Yet when you're with her its like you're a different person. You laugh, hell Bells I've even heard you giggle!" He smirked at her trying to lighten the mood. "You come alive with her, I know you don't think I know what's going on, but I listen. I see things. You don't always let her get her way - you stand up for yourself, you show spirit and character and backbone, you concede to her only when you want to, despite how entirely and disarmingly charming that girl can get." He smiled again and this time he was met with an equal smile as Bella silently agreed with him on that point.

"But with Edward you… you're a shell. It's like your dying a little every day Bella! And its like every one of the fears I had for my baby girl coming to life right in front of my eyes. Tell me, and tell me honestly - whose idea was it to get married?"

Bella said nothing. What could she say? She had spent most of her life utterly against the institution, especially teenage wives! Yuck! How 1880's! And yet here she was, engaged to be married before she'd even hit her nineteenth birthday. But surely she couldn't tell her father. It would only give him more ammunition against Edward.

But could she lie? Here he was opening up his very heart and deepest feelings, being as honest as one human being can be to another, what right did she have to not reciprocate.

"His Dad. I… I didn't want to get married - at least not yet, but… we, we made a deal."

"A DEAL?" Charlie's voice rose.

"Please Dad, it's not whatever you're thinking… honest. Please, just let that go for now."

With a deep breath and against his better judgement he continued.

"You see? The little girl I knew wouldn't have done something like that. She was her own person. But this… this isn't you. Or if it is I… I feel like I'm losing two daughters."

"Oh…" Bella cried.

"Look, I know you say you love him. I know that regardless of what I say you're going to marry him and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. Maybe if I hadn't failed you as a father, maybe if I'd been there when you were growing up - giving so much of yourself away to everyone else… maybe then I could have done something.

But I'm trying now. I have to believe that my Bella is in there, and that she'll fight off these shackles and this submissive, compliant and docile girl and grow into the strong, independent and self valuing woman I always expected her to become.

Will you promise me something? When you spend time with Alice just try and be objective and watch yourself. You come alive sweetheart. The joy in you lights up the room so much it's dazzling."

Charlie, with a last squeeze of his hand, let go and got up off the bed.

"Whatever it is about Alice that brings out that strong woman who respects herself and those around her, please try and hold onto that when you're around… him. Because each time I see that light snuffed out, it's like a piece of me and my hopes and dreams for you dies."

He turned around and opened the door. He paused and looked over his shoulder at his daughter still sat motionless, with her face covered in rivulets of tears.

"I'm not saying this because I want to hurt you honey. I love you more than you will ever know. You're the best of me. And when you're with Alice, the whole world can see how utterly wonderful, beautiful and strong you are. Please hold onto her. For your old man? I love you Bells."

And with a sad smile he turned and with reverence quietly closed her door.

Bella sat staring at the closed door unable to move or even think, her heart breaking as she heard her fathers footsteps slowly make their way downstairs. She heard him open the fridge, a glass clinking noise shortly followed by the sound of the fridge door closing, and then the sound of the TV - louder than usual 'I wonder why?'.

Was she really like that? Nobody had ever spoken to her or critiqued her very being so thoroughly before. It was like her soul had been stripped bear, back to it's very core and each layer, each aspect of her personality her very being poked, prodded, measured, weighed, catalogued and deemed of worth or not.

And how had she been judged? Was she some simpering self-less shadow of a women whose only value came from belonging to a man? Or was she a twenty-first century woman. A woman with rights and respect born from the suffering and struggles of countless generations of women before her?

Who was she?

What was she?

What was it about Edward that made her seem - at least to her father - as if she'd all but disappeared? And more importantly what was it about Alice that brought her, to paraphrase her father, back to life?

Bella's mind couldn't stop twisting and turning on itself as she examined her life, both before and after moving to Forks trying to find an answer to the only question that mattered to her anymore…

Is my Dad right?

She turned away from the door, and wrapped her arms around herself as she laid down on the bed facing the window. Her sore red eye's closed, but the tears still streaming down her face, sobbing quietly as her heart continued breaking and her mind continued whirring.

She fell asleep almost two hours later, the light still on and never having opened her eyes or resolved the question to an answer.

And she never saw the two black eyes staring at her from the branch outside her window.

If she had, she would also have seen another heart breaking.


	3. Chapter 3

"The Transformation of Isabella Marie Swan"

Chapter Two

Alice came out of her vision shortly after half past six that same evening. She'd already spoken to Bella about the vision she'd had where Edward had proposed and Bella had accepted, and she'd politely neglected to mention that she'd also seen what had caused that proposal. Instead she was filled with joy and excitement at being the self appointed wedding planner. Esme, Carlisle and Rosalie had all tried to calm her down and remind her - in a not very polite way from Rose - that Bella was not the type of girl that seemed to be into the whole 'Big Wedding' thing, and that she should try and respect the girls wishes and 'dial it down several thousand notches'.

However, when she'd had a vision of Bella and Edward telling her father about the wedding, she knew that she would be needed to cheer her best friend up. She tossed aside on of the two dozen bridal magazines that littered her bed and rushed into her closest to find some suitable clothes for sympathizing with and comforting not only her best friend, but also her future sister-in-law.

She looked at herself in her full length mirror. Her dark brown hair no longer in the 'youthfully exuberant' mess of spikes, was now fashioned into a more 'mature' looking pixie style - although that name still somewhat grated on her. With a decent amount of gel and mouse, not to mention bobby-pins and hairspray, the once untamed shaggy spikes now lay flat and tamed close to her scalp. Such tricks were necessary when she didn't visibly age, so each year spent in the same place her and her siblings had to slightly re-invent themselves to seem a little older, a little more mature.

Of course, in only a few short months they would have to pack up and start over somewhere else, and in order to maximize their time in the new home, they'd all have to reinvent themselves as 'younger' versions of themselves. If she was honest, she was kind of looking forward to bringing the shaggy spikes back. As tiresome to perfect every day, it did give her the sense of having the 'most' hair - something that she felt she missed.

Rosalie had been trying since the mid eighties to persuade her to have extensions put in so that she could finally know what it felt like to have long lustrous hair. However Esme, with all her motherly wisdom and concern, repeatedly pointed out that they might damage her real hair, and as it doesn't grow or have natural shedding the risk to Alice's beautiful head of hair was not worth the risk. Esme kindly suggested wigs, but something about that just felt wrong to Alice - she already felt fake for having to pretend to be human, adding a wig to that was too much.

She looked down at her clothes and smiled. The dark skin tight jeans and converse trainers - a nod to Bella that she knew the younger girl would appreciate - and she had to admit, they were very comfortable and quite practical really. Although she would only buy the paisley pink and purple ones. A white form fitting blouse, tucked neatly into her belted jeans, and a dark purple patterned waistcoat finished the ensemble. Fashionable but casual. Bella would love it.

With a smile and a nod to her mirror image she turned an moved to her balcony and was just about to leap to the moist evening foliage below when a voice called out her name from the other side of her door.

"Alice. What are you doing?" Rosalie asked.

With a small sigh, Alice took her right foot from the balcony railings she had just been about to scramble over and walked back to her room's door. She opened the door to see her sister looking rather pissed off.

Rosalie stood there with her arms folded, lips pursed into an annoyed line and it was all she could do to not imagine one of Rosalie's feet tapping angrily like a tormented cat's tail.

"What's up Rose, I was just about to go out and see Bella, she's going to have a rather rough evening." Alice said, trying her best to not just close the door on her sister and head back out as she'd intended.

"Bella, Bella, bloody Bella! That's all anyone around here talks about - and now were going to have even more of it." She exclaimed in obvious frustration. "Stupid human." Rosalie muttered, summing up her entire feelings on the girl.

"Rose! I won't stand for you talking about my best friend like that! She's going to be our sister-in-law soon it's about time you stopped pouting and started to get to know her. You'd like her just as much as the rest of us if you'd try." Alice said impatiently.

"I'm sick of this whole family going ga-ga over one clumsy stupid human girl. God! Even the Volturi cut her some slack! What the hell is it with that girl!"

A loud smack followed by a shocked gasp rang around the Cullen manor. In less than two seconds Emmett, Esme and Jasper appeared next to Rosalie who still stood shocked, holding her left hand to her left check, staring incomprehensibly at her sister.

"What the hell is going on here? Did you hit my Rosie!" Emmett bellowed at Alice.

A slow yet noticeable growl started up in Jaspers chest as he pushed past Rosalie and turned to stand in front of Alice protectively.

"What has gotten into you two? I won't tolerate this kind of behaviour. Alice? Apologize to your sister. You know we don't hit each other in this family." Esme said, disappointment lacing each word and tinting her eyes.

"Mom! That's so not fair!" Alice said, unable to hold back the impulse to stamp her right foot.

"Don't 'Mom' me Alice. We don't hit each other and we don't settle our disagreements with violence. You're better than that, now start acting your real age and apologise to your sister!"

"No! Not until she apologises for all the nasty things she constantly says about Bella. I'm sick of her getting away acting like some spoilt brat with her nose put out. Just because she's not the prettiest in the family anymore!"

"Hey! Don't you talk about my Rosie like that! Or I'll turn you into Pixie-dust, ya hear?" Emmett shouted and pointed one of his huge fingers in Alice's face.

Jaspers growl grew stronger and he stepped up into Emmett's threatening posture so that Emmett's finger was poking into his chest and his body was completely shielding Alice.

"I suggest you put that finger down MaCarthy or I'll rip it off and shove it where you keep your brains."

"ENOUGH!" screamed Esme. "Alice, go to your room. You two Rosalie. I don't want to see either of you tonight. Emmett, you better hide away with your wife if you know whats good for you. And Jasper don't you dare threaten your brother! What the hell has gotten into you all!"

And with that she took an arm in each hand and virtually dragged Emmett and Rosalie away from Alice's door, down the corridor and all but threw them into their room.

Alice huffed, still put out that she hadn't received the apology she felt she and Bella rightfully deserved, turned around and slammed her door shut, which left Jasper looking around at the closed doors and the angry look on his adoptive mother's face, wondering what the hell happened.

I suggest you go hunt Jasper. I don't want you and Emmett in close proximity until you've calmed down.

"Yes Ma'am." Jasper said quietly and turned to open Alice's door. Maybe she would go hunting with him. She seemed like she needed to calm down too. However, when he opened the door, the room was already empty and on of the large clear glass balcony doors was open, letting the cooling evening air fill the room.

Jasper sighed, knowing just where his wife had gone, and resigned himself to hunting alone.

Again.

By the time Alice reached the Swan residence she was able to catch the last parts of the argument between Bella and Charlie. Because of the 'incident' at home, she had missed seeing Edward leave, their paths not crossing as Edward had to take the car home and she had simply cut through the woods.

Alice sat at the base of the tree outside Bella's bedroom window and listened to the fight. Wincing with each hurtful word thrown between the two Swans.

'Oh he's gonna regret saying that. Even is Edward can be a 'stuck up, arrogant, prissy douche'.' Alice thought to herself. Alice wasn't blind to the faults of her family members. She wasn't blind to their good points either.

Edward for all his self hating, constant mind-reading and old fashioned 'fuddy-duddy'-ness, was a caring brother, the closest person in her family (except Jazz) and the only one who could understand what it was like to live with an ability.

She never knew her mother and father, but what she'd found out about them didn't enamour her more towards the two strangers, and so Esme and Carlisle were not just adoptive parents (the lie they told the humans) but really the only true Mother and Father she'd ever known. And she was the only one of the siblings who would constantly refer to them as such - not just when she was in trouble. Which was not often anyway, being the sweet natured, care free angel that she was.

Even she smiled a wry smile at that thought. She wasn't as pure or as sweet as people thought. At least her petite frame enabled her to get away with a lot more than most people ever would have thought she was capable of.

Emmett. She'd never had a brother as a human, but she couldn't think of a more perfect 'older' brother stereotype than Emmett. A clown, a mischievous little imp when he thought he wasn't being watched, and the only one in his family to wear his heart on his sleeve and call a spade a spade. No matter how much he tormented you or acted like he was 7 years old, you had to love the big oaf.

Rose. She was such a conundrum. So much love and affection in her. So much joy and yet she never let it out - at least not to anyone other than her husband. And even then, with all the 'super' hearing in the family, it was clear to everyone that even Emmett wasn't immune to the 'Ice Queen Bitch from Hell' at times. If only Rose could let herself let go of her human desires and find the joy and wonder in being an immortal vampire. All the good she could do, all the love she could give and receive. But nothing - not even all her sisterly chats could make even the tinniest crack in her cold hard shell. And it seemed to Alice that Rosalie was destined to be miserable, angry and resentful until she died her true death.

Finally her Jazz. She hadn't thanked him for stepping up and defending her this evening - even though it had been wrong to strike her sister, he still came to her defence, no question, no hesitation.

A better man, a better husband she could never imagine. She almost pitied her mother, Rose and even Bella at never being able to know the love and security that came from a man like Jasper.

He had been through so much, so much pain, anger and fear. Too much for a lesser man whom would have been driven mad long before now. Instead, her soldier had carried on, staying strong and composed as his world was turned from one meaningless war into another. He never lost himself - although he claims it was close a few times. He never lost the capacity to love or to see the good in people. That he had to suffer feeling the emotions of those around him and yet he still never broke was a testament to his strength, his character and his goodness. Yes, she was blessed to even know such a man. Let alone be lucky enough to share his love.

A silence in the Swan household brought Alice out of her silent musings and she registered that there was only one heartbeat downstairs and another upstairs. The fight must be over and Bella must have retreated to the safety of her room. Not expecting either of the normally tacit Swans to rush to continue the 'discussion' she felt it was safe to go up to Bella's room and see if her best friend was alright.

Standing slowly and brushing the moist bits of grass, leaves and mud from her jeans, Alice turned away from the house and started to ascend the tree.

Just as she reached the end of the branch that led almost directly into Bella's room - or it would have if the usually open window wasn't blocking her entry, she heard a man's cough, sigh, and heavy footsteps coming up the stairs.

'So he's coming back for more eh? Poor guy.' she thought. Slowly she backed away from the window like some kind of predatory animal perfectly at home balancing on all fours in a tree, back along the branch until she was consumed into the evening's shadows, where she perched, looking for all intents and purposes like a gargoyle frozen en guard atop a european cathedral roof; eyes never blinking and ears focused solely on the small bedroom in front of her, she settled down to watch the scene before her unfold.

'Oh Bella… Oh Charlie…'

She wanted to cry. She needed to cry, but by the curse of her supernatural nature she was unable to. And so all the pain, the heartbreak and the pressure that had built up behind her eyes had no where to go. No release except for the virtually silent choking sobs wracking her body.

She had lived so many lives. And yet she had never witnessed such a sight as she had just seen. The love of a father, his soul bared and open as he told his daughter all of his fears, his regrets and his pain at seeing his sole reason for living - in his words - 'dying' before his eyes, and at the hands of her very own brother!

The honesty and intensity of their talk hurt her as much as it lifted her spirits, that she was honoured to be able to witness such a thing. Such a gift to see, to feel such raw and unconditional love and trust between two people.

She thought that what she had with Jasper and the other members of her family was so strong, so honest, but now, still frozen motionless outside of a tiny window, of a tiny house, in a tiny town, she had witnessed the miracle of humanity and love.

And yet she was troubled. Deeply deeply troubled. For as much as what she'd seen had touched and moved her, she also too had been awakened to the reality of Charlie's words. Was he right? What had happened to Bella? Was Charlie really right?

Instead of climbing into her room, as she'd always intended, Alice was frozen, rooted to the spot as the entire conversation played over and over in her mind. Snippets and flashes of the past two years sparked in her mind, like random scenes of a movie flickering on a cinema screen. Everything out of sequence, no sound, no context, just images - some still and some entire scenes.

The whirling history of her entire friendship with Bella, every moment kept crystal clear and perfect in her vampiric precise memory played out behind her eyes, and in counterpoint, Charlie's words overlaid like a commentary poking holes and tearing down the then veil that she'd never even knew was there.

How could she be so blind? Bella was her friend - her only friend in her entire life, outside those of her family, and yet she'd failed her. Her whole family had failed her, maybe not all. Rosalie had never really supported her and now maybe even that maybe made sense.

Why hadn't she seen it? She'd been around throughout virtually all of the twentieth century, she'd seen the Feminist movement struggle and grow, she'd seen the small changes human society had made in the name of equality, and yet she'd never really paid much attention to it all. That was the eternal problem of never really being a part of human society, merely playing a part and skirting at its edges.

Of course she'd known sexism, but when you're a Vampire, such things don't really mean anything - other than new borns, each Vampire is as relatively as strong as the other, and it's their true age that is the defining characteristic of strength, speed and abilities, rather than gender, size or anything else so trivial.

And so Alice Cullen had taken that vampiric equality and naturally applied it to the world around her. So it was startling and humbling to see things so clearly for once from a humans perspective.

Bella's nature of always putting others first, whilst honourable, generous and kind, was also - taken to the extreme that Bella displayed - a flaw, a fear or defense mechanism that only helped alienate and keep her from feeling apart from everything. And the more she tried to please everyone, in some misguided order to fit it, the more she was pushed outside.

"Oh my poor, poor Bella. What have we done to you…" whispered words fell from her lips, unbeknownst to her conscious mind, as even more images and more commentary played out before her.

Alice still couldn't see why or what about her seemed to make Charlie think that she brought his daughter back to life. She tried to think about all the times she and Bella spent alone, either on sleep overs, although Bella was really too old for such things, she'd never had the chance to experience them when she was younger, and due to many reasons it was also something that Alice had never really had the opportunity to enjoy, and so both lived out their lost childhoods and reclaimed their right to do (and enjoy) that closeness that female bonding time together brought them.

She had to admit, now that her eyes were truly opened, that during those times Bella did seem… 'lighter' and more frequently prone to laughter or childishness fun than any other time she could recall, be it at school, at home with her family or when Edward was around.

The times when it was just her, Bella, Emmett and Jasper alone in the Cullen's lounge playing computer games with Emmett being… well begin Emmett also brought that out of Bella. She could see more images forming of the sparkle in those dark brown eyes, the face splitting grin and the joy that seemed to pour out of her very skin when she was just having fun and enjoying their company. Finally feeling like she fit in somewhere, that she belonged and was accepted.

More images, this time of Alice watching silently from the stairs as Bella and Esme talking whilst cooking in the Cullen's kitchen. Or when she would watch, smiling with affection, as Bella helped Esme with her garden, the two women laughing and joking, talking and learning from each other.

The look of childish delight on her face when Emmett would get over exuberant at missing his favourite little sister and spin her around and around in a bear hug.

The images changed to scenes where Bella and Edward were in the same room. Instead of joy and a twinkle of happiness in her eyes, Bella's eyes now looked frantic, frightened and timid, like a cornered wild animal desperately seeking a way out.

Every moment that Alice had ever spent in Bella's company played out in series in her minds eye. The fearful looks, the exquisite joy, the uncertainty and fear. Each time she recalled Bella's face she could easily see how it could fall into one of two camps.

How could she not have seen this?

How could Edward not realise?

Was it really his fault?

Was it Bella's?

As Alice sat frozen, clinging rigidly to the branch outside the poor girls window she asked herself the ultimate question.

What should she do about it?

And not for the first time, her visions failed her.

At four in the morning the Swan household was silent. Charlie had never liked the annoyance of ticking clocks, instead just relying on his trusty work issue watch, and so without any heating system or air conditioning toiling away through the night, it was completely silent.

Bella, had fallen asleep crying almost seven hours ago, and Charlie, after spending a few hours composing himself in front of some sports channel that he couldn't even recall what game was playing, let alone who won, finally calmed down enough to head upstairs to bed. He'd paused outside his daughters room, and noticed that her bedside light was still on, risking an embarrassing confrontation he'd quietly slipped inside, and found he daughter, still dressed in the clothes she'd worn that day, laying asleep on her left side on top of the covers. She wasn't little or light enough that he could risk lifting her and covering her, but she didn't seem to be suffering with the cold and so after noting that she'd finally listened to him and kept her window closed, he silently made his way over to her bedside table and switched off her lamp.

He waited a few minutes until his eye's had adjusted to the moonlight pouring it's silvery light into her room, before he did another uncustomary thing. He leant over and kissed his daughter on the cheek before making his way back to his room, making sure not to disturb her as he closed her door behind him.

Two hours later, in the pre-dawn light, Bella's silent guardian finally made a decision and began to move slowly towards the window.

Although Bella had started to keep the window closed, she never locked it. Figuring that any wild animals wouldn't have the skills or knowledge to work out how to open her window, but her two favourite nighttime Vampires wouldn't be troubled but a sliding sash window. And Alice certainly wasn't. She lifted the window slowly, almost reverently with her right arm, her left holding on to the small window frame outside the girls room, and when enough space had been cleared, just as silently she propelled herself through, landing with cat like agility silently on the floor boards of Bella's bedroom.

Taking the same amount of care to close the window behind her lest the poor girl get a chill - see, she had been learning about humans after all - she finally was able to take in the sleeping girl in front of her.

Her magnificent eyesight noted all the dried trails Bella's tears had made and she noticed, that even with her eyes closed in troubled sleep, they seemed red and sore.

'She's not going to feel good in the morning.' she thought to herself.

At least tomorrow, or rather today actually was a Sunday and that meant no school. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, and with a single key press its light further illuminated the room and brought the young Vampire's face into stark relief in the otherwise dim room.

She tapped out a quick text and fired it to her mother and another to Edward, telling him that she was going to spend the morning at least with Bella and that he should stay away until Bella called him. She said it was important girl talk and hoped that that would be enough to a) put his mind at rest and b) stop him from snooping around trying to figure out why she was there and he wasn't.

After turning off her phone, not wanting to risk being interrupted, she slipped it back into her jeans pocket and moved over to the bed.

Bella was lying on her side, facing her. A slight frown on her face, her arms wrapped around herself. Should she wake her? Or should she let her sleep?

Part of her knew that no matter what, Bella wasn't going to awaken feeling refreshed and full of the joy's of spring, however she knew that sleep was important for humans, and Bella did like her sleep.

However, she had spent enough time with Bella to know when the girl was having a good restful sleep, or a bad anxious sleep, and looking at the young woman in front of her Alice knew which one this was, and that maybe, if she woke her, and they spent some time talking she could get Bella to relax and maybe fall back asleep and this time get some quality rest.

With that thought in mind, she slowly climbed onto the bed next to her and laid down, propping her head up on her right arm. With her left she gently stroked the girls tear stained face and then softly said.

"Bella… Bella, wake up, it's me, Alice. Wake up sweetheart."

She heard Bella's heartbeat increase, the blood flow speeding up it's whooshing through her young veins fractions of a second before the young woman's eyes fluttered in confusion and blurriness until she recognised the little Vampire laying only inches in front of her.

"Al… Alice? What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you silly…" Alice replied, further stroking her face.

"Oh Alice…" Bella cried hoarsely as she threw herself into her best friends arms. Alice had to roll onto her back so she could wrap both arms tightly around the warm body now clinging to her small frame.

"Sshh sweetie, it's gonna be alright." she cooed.

"Bu… but you don't know…" Bella cried, looking up from where she had buried her face into her best friends chest, to look mournfully into Alice's sad eyes.

"I do honey… I'm sorry, but I heard everything."

"Everything? What? How long…?"

"I saw that you and Charlie were going to have the 'Dad, I'm getting married chat' and I came over to offer my support - I saw that it didn't exactly go well, but when I got here, your father just came into your room. I was just outside. I'm sorry Bella. I heard everything…" Alice said with sincere regret. She felt like instead of being here to support her friend, she'd eavesdropped on what turned out to be a very personal conversation between Bella and her father. And even thought she wouldn't wish to un-know everything that had been revealed to his that evening, she felt bad that she'd just stayed outside for so long.

"But…" Bella started, taking a look around, and noticing for the first time that her light was out and that is was starting to get light outside. "But that was hours ago. I must have fallen asleep. Where have you been?"

Alice took a moment to feel her guilt and looked up and away from her friends enquiring stare.

"I… I was outside. Thinking. I'm sorry."

"But…thinking about what. Alice?"

"I was thinking about everything Charlie said." Alice replied, looking back down at the girl still clinging desperately to her. In the moonlight Bella's eyes clouded over with something.

"What…" she hesitated. "Do you think he's right?"

Alice shifted uncomfortably underneath her. That in and of itself was strange. Vampires never got uncomfortable and they certainly didn't fidget. Bella relaxed her grip on the tiny girl and lifted herself up onto her hands. She gasped and said.

"You do don't you!"

Alice looked away, what could she say? When she'd made the decision to come into Bella's room it was out of concern and love for the girl, she wanted to make her feel better, but she hadn't thought that through. If she'd actually been thinking she'd have realised that Bella would want her to give her opinion, to either validate or invalidate all of her father's accusations and comments.

But now that she was here, looking at the sweet dear girl poised above her, her long brown hair falling off her left shoulder allowing the moonlight in all it's glory to highlight and frame her face that was still staring at her, waiting, just inches away, Alice realised that this moment, the next words out of her mouth would have the power to forever change her world.

For better or for worse, she didn't know and she silently cursed her inability to see into the future to tell. She knew she relied too heavily on her visions, that she shouldn't expect to know everything before it happened, for if she did what would be the point in living. But this time, she really didn't want any nasty surprises coming back to bite her on the ass, but she didn't know which choice would do that. Or even if both would ultimately do the same.

"Alice… your scaring me." Bella said somewhat urgently.

Alice sighed. Of all the possible choices she could make she knew that there was only ever one that was ever truly possible. She had to tell Bella the truth. She'd never lied to the girl, and she'd promised that she never would. And so with a deep but unnecessary breath, she looked deeply into the molten chocolate eyes hovering anxiously above her and said that only thing she was capable of.

"Yes, Bella. I think every word of it was true."


	4. Chapter 4

"The Transformation of Isabella Marie Swan"

**Chapter Three**

Crack!

Crack!

Crack!

Each thin glossy page made the same absurdly loud noise as it was flicked, angrily over; Rosalie was still sulking on her bed. She'd tried reading the same magazine - a car magazine from a British television show called Top Gear - twenty three times, each time she reached the rear cover she realised she hadn't taken even a single word in and with a huff she flipped back to the first page and started again. Apart from her right arm she hadn't moved another muscle since she was virtually thrown into her bedroom by her surrogate mother hours before. After the door had been slammed shut behind her, she'd marched over to her beside table, snatched the first thing that came to hand and sat - elegantly but angrily - down on her side of the bed and attempted to read.

Emmett, on the other hand was lying on his back, his arms folded behind his head, eyes closed and silently waiting. Each crack of a page he logged, as if counting seconds, or sheep; but he couldn't relax, despite hit outward appearance. He simply knew not to push Rose until she was ready to talk, he'd learnt that within the first seven years of being together; and his family said he was a slow learner. Ha!

However, waiting patiently until his beloved wife would calm down enough to actually start talking to him and not at him, wasn't easy for the young man. Patience was definitely a virtue that he did not have. Yet over the years he'd learnt how to at least act like he had patience. Whilst to all causal observers it seemed like he was just lying there oblivious to the frustration and agitation his wife only inches away was going through, in actuality he was planning his strategy of attack. Like any good general of the battlefield, first you must know your enemy; well, wife in this instance, and after more than fifty years together he felt pretty sure he had that one down.

Well, quite sure.

Mostly.

He sighed to himself...

Secondly you must know the lay of the land. This was a little trickier for Emmett but he'd basically worked out that that meant understanding the environment and all the variables that led to his wife's state. This took longer. He thought about his family, especially Alice as she seemed to be the trigger tonight, he thought about his newest little sister, Bella and how she always seemed to piss his Rosie off; for the life of him he couldn't quite understand why. He also thought back to all the snippets of his Rosie's history, her human history and her Vampiric one, to try and find a pattern, a solid reason that could have caused her to fly off the handle tonight.

More than once he'd thought to himself that his Rosie must have been turned while she was in the middle of a hum-dinger of a period. He'd even made the mistake of suggesting that once, during those first seven years. And in front of his entire family. It's impossible for a Vampire to get knocked unconscious, but he knew he'd come close. And he'd swear on really cold days, he jaw still clicked...

Thirdly, and even more difficult than the second, he tried to anticipate the outcomes. This was especially tricky because as much as he doted on Rosalie, and as much as he knew her and her little (or large) idiosyncrasies, she still had the rare capacity to come completely out of left field and take him by complete surprise. Not necessarily on the big things; he felt he pretty much had her pegged for those, no it was the little things - the things that ordinarily he paid no attention to. Sometimes he'd say, do or witness something and he'd be sure that she was just about to rip someone a new asshole, and yet she'd pay no mind, or even more confusingly she'd laugh! And other's well, he was surprise he still had hair because the number of times Rosie had whacked him upside the head; and always on the same damn spot! He was sure it would have worn away the hair, skin and probably bone had he been human.

Still, it kept things interesting, that was for sure.

So, whilst his wife stewed in her own little world, Emmett laid 'peacefully' beside her, planning, waiting and trying to anticipate what he could do to calm her down and get to the root cause of her mood.

Another hour passed, and she was on her fiftieth attempt to read her magazine. And the cracks were getting faster, and the huffs were getting longer and louder and it was at that point Emmett felt he had enough of a handle on things that he could launch 'Operation DeHuff The Ball and Chain'. Not that he'd ever say that out loud.

...again.

'Don't learn my ass!' He thought smugly.

His first tack was to take his wife's side and show solidarity. This had to be played very, very carefully - too obvious and he'd be the one sleeping in the spare room, and not for the first time, but too casual or not affronted enough and he'd get the other end of the sharp stick.

"I don't see why Alice has to always be such a drama queen. I think she hangs around with Eddie too much." He said with a sigh of his own.

Rosalie stopped her page flicking mid turn.

The seconds ticked by, and Emmett thought he'd overplayed his hand.

"She's always got to be Miss Sensitive. Like I don't have any feelings!"

'YES!' Emmett cheered silently to himself. '1-zip to the Big-E!'

"Babe, nobody in the family thinks that. Hell, everyone knows that you feel so much, so deeply… for the whole family. But I know what you mean, you don't make such a 'song and dance' about it." He hoped that she would catch the inference, and thus allow her to slowly start opening up. That was the key, get her talking and then he could accurately determine his next move.

"Why don't they see that I care?!" she exclaimed. "It's always Alice this and Jasper that and Edward needs blah blah blah…" she fumed.

"Totally! They like never ask your opinion and I know that you see everything that's going on. I guess they just trust that you'll speak up when they need it the most."

She stopped staring at the images in front of her and lifted her gaze to take in her concerned husbands features. Maybe he did understand how unappreciated she was feeling. She had tried, for so long she had tried to keep her mouth shut and let everyone else get on with making their messes, but she was sick of it! Did Emmett really see that? It was her turn to test him.

"So you're saying that they don't want to hear what I have to say? They just figure I'll always step in and say what needs to be said, saving them the trouble and always making me out to be the bad guy? Is that what you're telling me!"

'Oh fuck.' Emmett thought. How had he miscalculated to badly. On the defensive and up the proverbial creek and without a paddle, he tried to change tacks.

"No babe, that's not what I meant. I just meant that, well you're more mature and rational. You're like the voice of common sense and… and security. You always put the protection of the family first. You've got such a big heart but unlike some babies in the family" he stressed the word 'babies' knowing that Rosalie would know the two he was implying. "...you don't let it rule ya. You kinda listen to it… and think about stuff. You make educated and reasoned judgment calls."

He paused trying to see if he was burying himself deeper.

"I guess what I'm saying is that's kinda why they let Alice and Edward keep going off on their dramatics… because you always know when to call them on it, you bring… sanity that they otherwise wouldn't, you know… have."

Another pause. A flicker of fear throbbed in his stomach and he started to wonder what xbox game he was gonna play while stuck on the couch, when Rosalie surprised the hell out of him. She launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his thick muscular neck and burying her face against his strong chest.

"Oh honey, I love how you get me. You're the only one who ever has… you know?" she said, the sting of unshed tears in her throat.

Relief flooded his system, like blood after a particularly rewarding hunt. He could almost feel the throb of imaginary blood in his fingers and toes and his stomach was now flipping in a good way.

'Touchdown Big-E! …and the crowd goes wild!' he smiled as he held his Rosie tight against him, glad she couldn't see his self satisfied and quite smug smile.

"You better believe it beautiful. I gotcha back." and with a wry grin and lascivious tone he continued. "…and I got your front too."

She laughed and took the opportunity her position afforded her to smack him upside the head, but this time with a lot less force than usual.

"Ya big lug."

"Hehehe, don't ya know it babe."

After a few minutes holding her she started to relax in his arms and now he knew she was ready to really talk.

"I don't understand why Alice hit you though… it's so unlike her."

"As usual she was 'defending' Bella" she replied, the tone with which she said 'defending Bella' laced with obvious sarcasm and distaste.

'As usual' Emmett thought. 'Bella is the root of her anger. Just what the hell is it about that little human that pisses her off so much?'

Emmett took one last gamble, and decided to go for broke; after all he was on a roll and he might as well go for a personal best.

"Just what is it with you and Bella? I mean, everyone else in the family loves her. Even Jasper likes her, and that's despite trying to rip her in pieces and eat her."

Rosalie snorted against his chest and mumbled "Heh, it might have been better for everyone if he had."

"Hey! Babe, that's not cool. What's the problem?"

Rosalie thought about whether it was time to give him, give anyone the real answer, the answer that she'd had since she'd really got to see Bella interact with her adoptive family.

She hadn't told a soul her true feelings on the 'Bella Fiasco' as she like to refer to it. Sure she'd given people reasons; 'She's a human and a danger to us all!', 'She's going to get us killed by the Volturi!', 'She's throwing her mortal life and future away because of some… crush!', 'She's a danger magnet and she's going to bring those stinking mutts down on us!' and even 'She's going to be the death of this family!'

None of them totally untrue or unwarranted.

And none of them the real reason.

But could she actually tell Emmett or anyone the real reason?

She'd been thinking about that exact problem almost daily for the last two years. She, like Emmett, had planned every possible way to broach the subject, and every possible outcome from it. And so far, each time, Bella still ended up destroying the only family she had left. The only home she had left. The only life she had left.

'Bloody Bella!' she fumed. What can't anyone else see it? Must I always be the bad guy and stick my neck out and make everyone face the truth that they so obviously avoid?

But would they even listen? What good would it do? Bella was so damn besotted with Edward, and fuck knows that brooding fool was half the problem. But could she risk everything - for something that even she couldn't see way out of?

So no, just like all the other times, this wasn't the time to come clean. Not until she could see a way that it wouldn't all end in tears - metaphorically speaking.

"She's just such a whiney, annoying, needy little…" 'Bitch' she wanted to finish. "Brat." was the word she finally conceded to use.

"Aww, honey that's not fair. She's really sweet and she loves us. She'd never do anything to harm us. And now she's gonna be living with us soon. Don't you think you could j…"

"Don't' you finish that sentence Macarthy!" She yelled releasing her hold on him and moving angrily back to her side of the bed.

'What?!' was about all that Emmett could think as he watch his wife virtually leap away from him.

Rosalie was pissed. She knew that Bella was going to be a permanent fixture in the family. She knew this. She hated this. It was just so… wrong! And not one of her so called family - not even the 'Oh So Smart' - and smug - Carlisle could see it! They were so blinded by the plain girls 'damsel in distress' act! Arrghh she hated that girl.

With the loudest huff of the evening she picked up her Top Gear magazine, turned to the first page, and started flicking through it again. Still not able for read a single word.

Crack!

Crack!

Crack!

And on the other side of the bed, Emmett, knowing he'd just lost the war and got his ass royally kicked, for something he still didn't understand why, resigned himself to a long night and probably day ahead of him and slid back down the bed. He brought his large strong hands back up and placed them linked under his head and closing his eyes wondered just how the hell four sentences could have so totally fucked up his chances of winning.

xXxXx

Carlisle had worked the late shift at Forks Memorial hospital that evening and as such had been spared all of the dramatics, fights, threats and tension that permeated virtually every room in his house, and as he pulled his sleek silver car onto the private and obscure driveway leading to his families home, he thought again about the days events.

Washington State was where the large majority of the population worked very physical and often quite dangerous jobs. Logging was the major export and industry in the area, so it wasn't uncommon for breaks, burns, and even amputations to be the norm at the hospital, and today had proved to be another one of those days.

Mostly the local workers, despite how they acted during their downtime, were consummate professionals. Everyone knew the risks, and they knew how to mitigate them. People were careful and double checked equipment and each other, but still they were only human and accidents happen.

Today, the latches and mesh strips securing a stack of giant shawn tree trunks snapped and fell on two men who happened to be standing near the flatbed truck talking. It had been nobodies fault, through overuse and stress the single steel tooth that locked in place to secure the main strap had just simply been used one too many times and after years of stress and strain it had worn down just enough that under the huge strain it slipped it's gear and the the entire latticework of restraints slid free.

The first man, by the name of Gavin Thompson was 24, was newly married and had a baby boy on the way. Carlisle knew him and his wife previously, because she'd recently been brought into the E.R. when Carlisle was on call due to a suspected early labour. It turned out to be nothing and Carlisle sent the young couple home, after many, many assurances that both the mother and child were fine. He could still see the worry and abject fear in young Gavin's eyes as he carried his high-school sweetheart into the emergency room and laid her gently on a spare gurney.

He thought about the young mans eyes and how they compared to his wife's when he had to tell her the news that her husband and father to her unborn child was so badly crushed that she wouldn't even be able to see the body - technically the remains - to say goodbye. The last image she'd had of him was his goofy tired smile as he kissed her and her stomach goodbye in the pre-dawn light earlier that morning. He certainly never wanted her memory of him to be tainted with the quite repulsive mess that 23 tonnes of wood could do when falling on and rolling over a human being.

The other man was the driver of the flatbed, Matt Arnold, 26. And whilst he hadn't died, he certainly hadn't got away scott-free. Both of his legs, just below the abdomen had to be amputated - although that's overstating it a bit; there wasn't much left to amputate, but thanks to the quick thinking and heroism of Gavin, the young man had pushed Matt away just in time to save him from Gavin's fate. Unfortunately for Matt, instead of just stumbling back - which might have spared both his legs completely - he had fallen backwards where he stood and the same logs that fell onto poor Gavin had crushed and virtually removed both of his legs. On top of that was massive lower abdominal injuries, and it was a certainty that poor Matt would never be able to be a father.

Carlisle sighed. He'd never get over seeing people suffer. He knew it was nature, and part of the world, but he always felt, somewhere deep down in his psyche, that surely the reason he was turned was so that he could end peoples suffering. And it always hit him hard when he was forced to realize that such thinking was just a fool's wishes, and a 'human' trait of trying to rationalize the irrational.

It was times like this that coming home to his family meant the most to him. His wife, the other part of his soul and his reason for 'living' never failed to being a smile to his face and a lift to his dead heart. Just the thought of her and he felt his mood improve. Whilst his 'children' liked to think that they were the only ones in a loving, sexual and passionate relationship, he always made sure to remind them that 'parent's do it too!'.

He chuckled. Over 472 years of life combined between them and still such a proclamation would cause embarrassment and disgust. They really were still children in so many ways. And he and Esme couldn't love them more. Even when Emmett's worn his last nerve down and Edward's brooding and dour expressions marred yet another otherwise perfect day. The all had their idiosyncrasies and talents and he knew that together his family was truly far greater than just the sum of it's parts.

And young Bella, how miraculous her arrival in their otherwise unchanged lives had been. He hadn't realized it at the time but his whole family needed Isabella, and the sweet, fresh influx of life that her presence had brought. They had been locked into their own routines far too long. Self sufficient to the end, they only really had contact with humans on a fringe level, and whilst they had some good friends in the Vampire community, they rarely saw them, much less spent any time with them.

'Maybe an extended visit with the Denali Coven after Isabella's transformation would be a good idea. A nice change and a change to get some fresh new conversation and exchange of ideas and thoughts. Plus I'm sure they'll love Bella.' he thought. 'After all that girl has done wonders for Esme, Emmett and Alice and Edward.'

He just wished things weren't so hard for Jasper, but he knew with Bella truly becoming one of the family that that little problem would take care of itself, and then finally Bella would have a change to really get to know just have funny, witty and playful that young man really is.

Almost prophetically he thought about Rosalie - the only holdout in his family to young Isabella's charms. As he climbed out of his car, mindlessly aware of how careful he needed to be when shutting the door, he looked up as the porch light turned on and the door opened.

"Oh my love, I'm so glad you're home!" Esme said with sadness in her eyes.

Carlisle felt a momentary sink in the pit of his stomach, after the day he'd had and all the bad news he'd had to give. The lives destroyed, and the lives forever changed, he just longed to come home, find comfort and respite in his wife's arms and enjoy the loud company of his children.

The look in her eye's though told him, this wasn't to be one of those evenings. With a Doctors grace and experience, he mentally straightened himself and prepared himself. "What's wrong love? Are you and the children alright? Is it Bella?" All possibilities flooded his mind as he steeled himself.

Esme met him halfway between the porch and his car. "Oh Carlisle, it's the girls. I don't know what's going on but Alice hit Rosalie, and Emmett threatened Alice which of course brought Jasper into it and..."

"Whoa sweetheart! Calm down and start from the beginning... what do you mean Alice hit Rose?" he said as he wrapped his arm around his wife, wrapping her to his strong chest as they walked - even slowly by human standards - back into their house.

xXxXx

Edward Cullen felt conflicted.

He felt wretched at leaving his fiancé - god he loved saying that word - alone to battle with her father. He knew everything the man had thought and never said aloud, and knew that if Bella had heard those things, the fight would have reached thermonuclear proportions by now.

He also felt lighter than air. His soul-mate, his reason for existing had agreed to marry him, and it was only weeks away!

Despite his conflicted feelings the overwhelming giddiness and joy at having Bella's hand in marriage won over everything else and he allowed himself this brief period in his over 100 years of torment to be... happy.

He knew Charlie would never physically hurt Bella, and he knew that no matter what words were said he loved his daughter so everything would work out. More-so, in only a few weeks, Bella would be... turned... and together they would be leaving Charlie behind.

Again, more conflicted feelings washed over him. He couldn't imagine his existence without Bella by his side, and the little soiree to Italy had proved that, but he still felt like he was being selfish and committing Bella to an eternity in hell, or at least purgatory.

Still, as so many of the songs and musicals he loved to play on his piano would attest, love was a selfish, blind and quite ruthless thing. And it most assuredly had it's talons in him.

He thought back to when he first met Isabella. How close he came to ending her life. God knows, her intoxicating scent still enflamed his passions and bloodlust; despite how much better he had got at hiding it and how much faith Bella had in him to not hurt her. He thought back to all the scenarios that had played out in his mind, how quickly his fellow classmates would notice he'd ripped out this young girls throat and was gulping down the boiling hot blood spurting from her neck wound; how quickly and in what order he would have to run around the class snapping necks and breaking backs just to prevent even the first note of a scream. All this in less than three seconds so he didn't bring the entire school down on him, and result in a massacre of unseen proportions - the towns entire teenage population, along with all it's high-school teachers - slaughtered brutally and for seemingly no reason.

All of this he'd contemplated when first assaulted by Bella's scent.

And worst of all, all of this he knew Alice had seen when she sat in the back of his car on the way home that night. She'd spoken to him, in her mind, and had urged him away. For his own safety and sanity as much for saving some human girl and her classmates.

Alice had always been there for him and he smiled ruefully thinking of her now. God only knows what Alice was going to inflict upon poor Bella for this wedding. He should be sympathetic, but he loved his 'Little Freak' almost as much as he loved his fiancé, and whilst he would suffer Bella's probably constant outrage and complaints about it, he couldn't bring himself to begrudge Alice her fun at planning this wedding.

After all, he'd watched silently and from afar as she'd planned and executed all of her own weddings and that of Rosalie and Emmett, and even a very touching wedding for Carlisle and Esme. Each perfectly tailored to the couple in question, and each unique. She really had a knack for finding not only what was special about the couple, but also what made that wedding different than all the other they'd shared over the years.

He even felt a rush of excitement at the thought that many years from now he and Bella would have another wedding!

His smile grew larger as he continued his run deeper into the Olympic nature park, his senses tuned to finding a meal, whilst his higher functions thought about his upcoming nuptials... and the consummation of his love with is truly blushing bride.

He'd been running slowly for a Vampire, not really paying any attention to his whereabouts when he felt a vibration in his back jeans pocket. He came to a stop and pulled his iPhone out to see a text message from Alice.

[ Don't bother coming to visit Bells tonight brother. I've seen what she's been through tonight and I think some girl time is what's in order! You know Bella won't be thinking about being upset with Charlie when she's busy being upset with me for painting her fingernails and braiding her hair! ;) She'll call you when we're done! Be good Teddy-Boy! :P Don't do anything I wouldn't do! ]

Whilst he still bristled at the nickname Alice used - which she'd found oh-so amusing during the time they spent living in England during the 1950's and had taken almost 20 years for Emmett to stop using - he couldn't help but let out a bark of laughter. 'Trust my Little Freak to help take Bella's mind off things. I don't know whether to feel bad for her or not!'

He knew Alice loved Bella, he knew other than Edward, Bella was closest to Alice, so he relaxed further and put all his thoughts and energies into a the hunt. Knowing Alice it would be another day - at least - before he got his fiancé back. God he loved even just thinking that word...

With another uncharacteristic chuckle, Edward launched himself further into the park and further away from Bella.

xXxXx

"I don't know what to do about them. Bella's never been anything but sweet and friendly towards Rose - despite how cold and rude Rose is towards her, and this can't just be about protecting the family... everyone knows Bella's not a threat. I just don't know what Rosalie has against her, and she won't ever open up to me." Esme said exasperatedly as she and her husband too a stroll around their grounds and away from their children's ears.

Carlisle looked down at her, still wrapped tightly against his right side. Rosalie has always been... difficult to get to open up. He'd always felt more than partly responsible for this because it was his decision and his alone to turn her. She'd forgiven him, but she had never forgiven being a vampire. It was odd that she could even make a distinction where none really existed. It was part of the reason he felt that being a vampire wasn't as much of a burden as she always made it out to be.

He'd wondered too, if perhaps his medical training would also lend itself towards Psychiarty and whether after the next move if he should try and learn that discipline for a few decades - maybe he could be some help to his eldest daughter then. The only thing that had stopped him from doing this previously was that he didn't want Rosalie to think that she was being monitored, watched or otherwise observed in her own home, and because until Bella had come along, Rosalie was not too bad. She wasn't relaxed or easy going - he didn't think she'd ever be that - but she certainly wasn't so angry all the time.

"We'll get to the bottom of it. Don't worry. Let's head back and sit down with her and Emmett."

"That sounds awfully like an 'intervention' Carlisle. You know she'll leave a Rosalie sized hole in the wall the second she feels trapped." Esme said looking up with a sad but amused glint in her eyes.

He chuckled as he imaged that. "Hmmm, I'd almost like to see that." he smiled down at his wife as she slapped her right arm against his left side.

"Be nice Mr Cullen! That's your daughter you're talking about!" She stopped her fake frown and smiled conspiratorially. "I'd love to see the look on Emmett's face though." and she joined in with her husbands laughter as they headed back to try and get some answers from the tacit and proud young woman.


	5. Chapter 5

"The Transformation of Isabella Marie Swan"

Chapter Four

Bella lay in Alice's cold and all encompassing arms, held motionless with love, and staring silently as the dawn slowly lit the world outside of her bedroom window. Her mind had been a whirl of confusion, conflicting concepts; as if she'd never really seen herself as herself before. She wasn't sure who she was anymore. Everything she thought she knew about herself, every single thing that she thought - or thought she knew - about herself, what she was, what she stood for... it was all a lie? Or was it?

Her still and restful body belied the maelstrom writhing inside her. She just couldn't think straight anymore; she couldn't even hold onto her thoughts long enough to understand exactly what it was that she was thinking. Everything was just so...confused. Her life was now a cyclone of tumbling, whirling ifs and buts. And yet despite all the confusion she still felt the same though. As if there where layers, hidden depths that the storm caused by her father's and Alice's words, remained placid, still and dark. She didn't understand them, didn't recognize anything about them, but she had almost a sixth sense, that there was something there, buried, frozen yet lying in wait, but still impenetrable to the perfect storm of confusion ripping through her mind.

But if what Alice and her father said was true? That would mean everything she's ever felt, said and done... Her thoughts wandered off into a silent preposition. Was she wrong? What was so wrong about her and the fragile beginnings of a life she was trying to build? She remembered almost 18 months before asking Edward the same thing...

'What's wrong with me?'

She'd meant, at the time, why he couldn't read her mind, only her in all the world. And over time whilst she'd let that go, she hadn't ever really shaken the feeling that she was different. Why she'd accepted all this...supernatural world around her with as much ease as if someone had said to her they had spontaneously decided to start figure skating.

The coming dawn's light failed to shed any of its burgeoning light into either the silent foreboding depths of her psyche or into why she felt so wrong.

"So many layers," she whispered without realizing. "Like an onion… And I don't understand any of them."

Suddenly she was raised to sitting position and the soft, curvy mattress she'd laid against all evening was removed; she felt it's absence like a hole in her stomach.

"Why would you say that Bella?" Alice asked very softly.

"Er... Huh?" Bella replied, startled more by the sound of Alice's voice then the new sitting position she found herself in. Had she actually said anything out loud? She didn't think so... she was only thinking to herself...Oh.

"You said something about an onion sweetheart." Alice said, her golden eyes with flecks of black, brown and orange watched Bella, studying her eyes and face. She raised her right hand, slowly one would try and offer food to a wild doe, and gently, almost reverently tucked a stray lock of rich brown hair back behind Bella's left ear.

"Oh." Bella replied, looking down reluctantly, taking her gaze from those beautiful eyes, and held her head in shame and embarrassment. When would she learn to keep her mouth closed? One day whilst she's off in her day-dreamland she's going to mutter out something that will not be able to be taken back or brushed aside so easily. "I just meant...you know, that lot's of stuff is...like whirling around and there's just so many thoughts, behind thoughts, behind feelings..." she faded off feeling even more stupid than usual.

Alice chuckled quietly and sympathetically. "Ah, just like rings in an onion." she smiled. "I don't think you're anyway near as stinky as a smelly old onion, Bells," she added laughing a little more. "What with your name, maybe more like a lasagna?"

Bella looked up in indignation at the mild teasing and caught a glimmer of mirth and merriment in Alice's eyes, and with a huff, she begrudgingly smiled and allowed the joke on her to go un-challenged. Alice's face slowly regained a more somber composure and with a raising of her right hand to gently touch Bella on the underneath of her chin said "So, what are you feeling? What layers are there?"

How could she tell Alice when she herself didn't know? She's spent most of the night and the best part of the pre-dawn morning trying to pin those wiggly damn layers down enough to identify, label and catalog them, and she still couldn't even name one. Well, there was dark, murky and ominous, and many more whooshy, spinney and rushy, but even Bella knew better than to verbalize them in such a manner to her friend.

"I don't know - I just... feel like there's lots, everywhere and they're too quick for me to grasp. Kinda like standing in the middle of a snow globe and trying to catch only odd spoked snowflakes...Does that make sense?"

"Oh Bells..." Alice leant forward and wrapped her arms around the sad and lost young woman sitting inches in front of her. She made sure not to hold her anything other than loosely—at least to her standards—and laid her head down to rest against Bella's right shoulder, her face centimeters from Bella's throbbing and sweet smelling neck. "I don't know what to say," she whispered. "I know it's confusing right now. You have a lot to process, but you shouldn't expect to understand everything instantly. I think you've had a very big shock and it's going to take time to work through everything. But you know that I'll be here, if and when you need me. And if I can do anything to help, you know I will."

"But what about Edward? I can't keep this from him, and..." Bella's stomach fell through the floor; Edward. He's going to read Alice's mind the second she gets home. This whole entire evening, everything that was said whilst Alice was perched like a statue outside her window would be right there for Edward to pluck from Alice's mind without permission.

"Oh god Alice! Edward's going to see it all!" Bella's voice raised and in the silence of the house sounded as loud as a bull-horn.

Alice could see the panic rise in Bella; the rise in frequency and strength of the pounding of her heart, the whoosh of blood as it sped, urgently around her body but mainly to her core; the start of the 'flight or flight' syndrome - was deafening to her especially from her close position. She could see the muscles in Bella's throat as she reflexively tried to swallow her panic. Alice as quickly but as gently as she could let go of Bella and raised her head and sat back on her legs, finally taking hold of both of Bella's now trembling hands.

"Bella, calm down before you make yourself ill!" she shushed to the panicking girl. "We'll think of something, but don't worry about today or the rest of the week. I meant to tell you earlier, but Jasper and I are going away." Further panic flashed in Bella's eyes and her weak mortal hands grasped Alice's, such that if she too were mortal she was sure they would be hurting her.

"No! You can't go! Not now! Not when!" Bella pleaded.

"Bella, calm down!" Alice said in a firm tone which she rarely had to use with Bella. It was usually saved for Emmett when he was being a particular pain, which is to say, quite often. "I'm not leaving you, but Jazz and I have had this planned for a while now, but I promise, I'll be on the end of the phone whenever you want to talk to me."

Bella started to calm down. More because she felt so stupid and embarrassed at her desperate pleas to the small girl in front of her. She took a deep steadying breath and tried to let some of her panic out with it. After taking one more shaky inhale she gave Alice a tiny smile and said "Sorry Alice. I didn't mean to be so...clingy. This isn't your problem..."

"Oh hush now you silly child." Alice admonished with a shake to Bella's hands. Bella just managed to stop herself from yowling in pain. "I don't want to hear anything to stupid as that again. You hear me?" Alice glared at Bella.

Bella slowly nodded her head.

"Good. You silly girl... I love you, you're the best-est best friend I've ever had and you're my sister, regardless of whether you marry my brother, ok? I'm never going to leave you again - I promised that when I came back this spring, remember? And I meant it then and I mean it now. Whatever happens..." Bella's eye's fell from Alice's and back down to the tiny patchwork of her comforter that was visible between them. Alice frowned and shook her hands again, causing Bella to look back up at her. It frightened Alice how lost and alone her friend's eye's looked and she cursed herself and her family silently once again that they had ever hurt this poor sweet creature. "Whatever happens, you belong in my family. We all feel that way. It's not going to change. You know what vampires are like. Once we've set our hearts and minds on something, that never changes. When we fall in love, we never fall out of love. It's a blessing and a curse, but you Isabella Swan have been nothing but a blessing from the second you came back to Forks. You've changed each and every one of us, and always for the better."

Alice could see Bella start to fight her on this. What would be her counter argument this time? Rose? Edward's near death at the hands of both the Volturi and Victoria's army? Whatever false logic this girl was going to wield to try and prove she wasn't worthy or part of the Cullen family, Alice was going to put an end to it right now.

"And stop arguing with me. I don't need my gift to see what you were going to say. Rosalie loves you, sure it's strained, but that's more her stuff and her stupid ego and wounded pride than anything to do with you. As for Edward, well we both know what an overbearing and stubbornly little wuss he can be - but we both also know that it was his decision to run off like a lunatic based on Rosalie's big mouth and no evidence, so he only has himself to blame. And he does. But none of that – are you listening Bella? None of that is your fault or responsibility. We're adults, hell we're more than adults—at least most of the time—and we've learnt to take responsibility for ourselves. You got that?"

Bella felt the weight of Alice's arguments wash over her, adding to the burden and stress from Charlie's arguments, and felt bone shatteringly tired. She still disagreed with Alice, but she had learnt by now, that when the little pixie gets a bee in her bonnet, the easiest thing, hell, the sanest thing, was to just shut up, agree and move on. After all, it was how she ended up with 7 dresses, albeit unworn, in her closet. 'Sometimes Bell's it's easier to make a strategic withdrawal and live to fight another day.' she recalled her father saying more than once when he'd had a particularly bad day or when Bella had come home shaking mad with rage over some other smotheringly controlling thing that Edward had done. Well, in the later case he'd often 'colored it up' a bit, but that's beside the point. The point being that it's easier to let it go when Alice is determinedly making a point than to ever argue with her.

"Ok, sorry."

"Oh hush with your sorry's. I love you, and I'm only going to be gone until Thursday, but you can call me anytime and make sure your phone's charged because I'll be calling you so often you're going to start sending me to voicemail." she smiled, relaxing her grip on the young woman's hands.

Bella smiled a crooked half smile back. "You know I'd never do that Alice. I'd never hear the end of it if I did!"

The girls laughed quietly. Not because it was funny, but because the built up tension needed to go somewhere and it was doing neither of them any good to remained bottled up inside their chests. It worked and little, and Bella finally let go of Alice's hands and scooted herself back up to her pillows. 'Maybe she's right,' she thought. 'Maybe it is too much to process right now, maybe I'll just take the day to relax and let my thoughts settle...' and with that she turned towards the center of the bed and looked up at Alice.

"So where are you and Jasper going? Are you visiting your cousins?" she asked in a light tone, hoping that faking an attempt to lighten both the mood and her sprits would fake her nervous mind out and actually work.

"Well..." Alice gushed, playing along with what she knew Bella was trying to do. "It's actually a honeymoon, of sorts." she ended with a happy grin, clearly real excitement showing through.

For some reason, the pit of Bella's stomach dropped again, and her mouth went almost instantly dry, like she'd heard it did when some fool tried to do the 'Cinnamon challenge'. Why though? Was she really so needy that she couldn't let her best friend go off for a romantic time with her husband? Just because of her recent conversations? Even that seemed exceptionally shallow and egotistical, and not something she'd have thought she was capable of. Sure she'd missed Alice when she went off hunting, or on those rare days when the sun graced Forks with it's presence, but she couldn't recall such a visceral reaction before.

'Maybe I'm just over tired and emotional, I mean my thoughts and feelings are everything, and Alice is really the only one I can talk to about everything,' she reasoned, much happier that she's arrived at a safe and logical reason. Then she actually processed what Alice had said.

"H...h...honey...moon?" she croaked out.

Thankfully for her, Alice ignored the strange disbelief in her voice and carried on just as excitedly as she had before.

"Mmmmhmmm. Well, you see, the last time Jasper and I got married - again - was just before we came to Forks, like days before, and what with the big move and the fact that neither of us had been here before but the others had, we kinda postponed in. Jazz asked me to look for a week or so when it was going to be sunny almost constantly, so that I didn't have to go to school, and it turns out it's this week. So he booked a romantic trip to New Zealand and we're flying out this afternoon. Isn't that romantic?"

Bella, virtually stunned, slowly worked through Alice's words.

"But isn't it like summer over there? Won't the sun be out there too?" she asked with a tint of desperation in her voice. She really didn't know why she wasn't handling Alice's announcement very well but she prayed to anyone that was listening that Alice wouldn't pick up on it. She knew from experience that when Alice got excited about things, some degree of common sense and rational thought kinda, sorta left the room.

"No silly, it's the end of winter for them. And we're going to the southern most part of the South Island, where almost nobody lives. We'll have the place of hobbits and trolls all to ourselves!"

Even that made Bella snigger, despite her turmoil. "You sounded just like Emmett then!"

"Hey! Be nice!" Alice playfully swatted at Bella's hips. "Or I'll tell Emmett that you're ticklish," she added with a dangerous smirk.

If Bella's poor nerves weren't already shot, then this would have been the killing blow, because that bear of a man-child, if he knew Bella was ticklish, would probably end up breaking some of her ribs attempting to do so, and even with a doctor in the house, she'd really had enough of bandages and painkillers and x-rays to last a lifetime. It was a surprise she didn't glow considering the number of those she'd had.

"You...you wouldn't..." Bella's ashen face asked, unwilling to believe the tiny thing in front of her could be so cruel.

"Well, then you have to promise to be a good girl and not make fun of your poor best friend. Deal?"

"Deal," she croaked.

"Good," Alice smiled with a nod. She laid down next to Bella, which in turn caused Bella to scoot back down the bed and lay down too. Now, with both their heads resting on a pillow each and faces just hands breath apart, Bella felt the cool sweet breeze of Alice's breath wash over her; Alice too, felt the warm, moist scent that was pure Bella tickle and coat her skin.

"So, tell me more..." Bella asked. For some reason not really wanting to know more, but felt obligated by the need to make her best friend happy, and a selfish need to bear witness to Alice in her full-on 'happy mode', which no matter when, where or the circumstance, always left her feeling better.

Alice had left not long after filing her in on all of the things she planned to do with Jasper for the next few days. He'd even booked a private jet to fly them there which meant that they didn't need to worry about other passengers or flight attendants disturbing them, or the sun that would pour though the windows. They could just relax and be themselves. Bella felt quietly sick when Alice suggested she might renew her membership to the 'Mile High Club' but she never showed it - or at least prayed that she hadn't - and had just smiled her 'TMI' smile as Alice laughed and carried on regaling her with her itinerary. Alice made her promise to call at least twice a day, and whenever she felt she needed to talk, and that if, for some reason it kicked over to voicemail, not to be offended by it, and that Alice would respond as soon as she could.

Bella knew from her trip to visit her mom in Florida, that she only had to think about phoning the pixie and the little monster would beat her to the punch. The sick feeling eased and she smiled to herself.

Moments later the smile slowly dropped.

"What the fuck am I going to do?" she quietly said to herself.

She was alone in her house, and for once not sitting in her room. It still smelt of Alice, and she could still see her father sitting on her bed, breaking her with his words. So she'd spent the rest of the morning doing anything she could to stay out of the room. She'd had a long shower, then cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom. That had taken almost an hour, and afterwards felt dirty enough again that she had to have another shower. Plus it killed more time.

Then she'd gone downstairs expecting to see Charlie in his chair with some Sunday sports game on, only to find a note lying on the table in her usual spot telling her that he was going fishing with Billy today and not to worry about dinner as he'd probably be home after she'd gone to bed - it was a school day tomorrow after all, even if none of the Cullen's would be joining her - and she knew then that her father was just as upset about 'The Talk' as she was and was probably avoiding her as much as she wanted to avoid him.

It wasn't that she was upset with him - not at all - she'd never know him so eloquent and able to verbalize his thoughts and feelings, but the mess it had made of everything she thought she knew about herself and her life, made even the thought of trying to sit down and have one of their usually silent meals together feel utterly alien and awkward. When would that easy calm come back? Probably not until she'd tried to sort though her feelings.

She recalled Alice's advice about just letting things settle and sort though them one at a time, to take time for herself, and put herself first - two things she'd never really managed before - and so after coming down to her father's note had done just that. She'd collapsed under a throw blanket and with the TV turned to whatever looked brainless and unchallenging and just vegged. She'd passed over breakfast, but despite her inner warring, her stomach had still made it's intent known halfway through a repeat of Friends; the one where Monica, Chandler and Joey had had a traumatic experience on the beach, and so begrudgingly she'd gone to the kitchen to make a sandwich and heat up some soup.

As she'd sat back down on the living room couch with a tray and her meal, Ross and Rachel were trying to get it out of the three who were sat sheepishly sitting at the kitchen table. Bella laughed along with the TV audience at the synchronized ewww-ing, and felt better. For a moment, the food in her tummy and the tastes on her tongue and the pure fun of watching a favorite show - even one she knew most of the dialog for - mad her feel lighter, less in turmoil, more peaceful. She knew it was transitory, but she'd take any break from the storm. Eventually her lunchtime passed into early afternoon and it found with her still snuggled under her blanket, lying down on the couch, and feeling sleepier than the could ever recall feeling before.

The tiny creak of fourth stair from the bottom ripped through her subconsciousness and she leapt up from the couch, a scream half formed in her throat. She made out a tall male figure in the darkness of the hallway, only the light illuminating the open plan downstairs of her now invaded home, and with her usual grace and poise, her feet entangled in the now cast off blanket fell backwards over the coffee table and towards the old TV set in the corner.

Fractions of a second before her head would have been cracked open like a ripe melon on the sharp edge of the TV stand, two solid cold rods of steel grasped her about her shoulders and waist and her fall was utterly arrested. So much so, her head, attached only by a short and relatively feeble neck continued it's prior fall, only her body and legs now frozen in space, and the back of her head cracked loudly against the glass of the TV screen.

"OW!" she screamed.

"Oh my god! Bella! Are you alright, my love?" a male voice shouted, pain and fear lacing every syllable.

Even with the dizziness, the pounding in her head, the sharp ache on the back of her skull, her heart still pounding from being scared awake and the whiplash in her neck, the voice, it's timbre and it's smooth rich bass notes, penetrated her daze and she realized who her attacker, and her savior was.

"Edward? My head hurts... what the f..heck are you doing here? You scared the crap out of me!" Bella rasped, one hand moving to the back of her head, praying she wouldn't feel any wetness there, for both their sakes, and her other hand pushing against the broad muscular shoulders of the man standing above her.

"Oh Bella! I'm so sorry..." he pleaded. "We must go to Carlisle now!"

"No!" she shouted in response, and started to use both hands to push against his shoulders, relief flooding through her that she'd not discovered any stickiness in her hair. "Let me up, now Edward!"

Reluctantly Edward gently raised her to a standing position, but instead of letting go, he lifted her up into the air, the mass of tangled blanket finally falling away from her feet, before he turned and with almost reverential care, lowered her to her own feet, just in front of her usual seat on the couch.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked, dark eye's in shadow from the light of the TV staring desperately at her, looking for anything sign that she was in danger.

'Danger from what?' she thought sourly. 'Danger from my stalker fiancé scaring the ever loving shit out of me?'

The peaceful mood from earlier now long gone.

"What the hell are you thinking creeping around in a dark house when I'm all alone?"

Anger poured from her in waves, and even Edward felt cowed by it, and so contritely he said: "I'm sorry Bella, but I hadn't heard from you since last night, and I was worried. Alice and Jasper left in such a rush and she seemed in a funny mood, so I came over to your window, but you weren't in your room. I got scared until I heard your breathing downstairs... so I just came in to sit with you."

Bella sighed and collapsed down onto the sofa, the adrenaline rush gone leaving her body spent and running on fumes.

"Edward, you've got to get over this. I'm not some fragile glass doll. I'm not in danger because I haven't spoken to you in a few hours. God! Victoria, Laurent and James are gone. The Volturi have promised to leave us alone for the time being and the wolves are my friends. I'm only in danger from being scared to death by you!" She pointed her index finger at him and he at least had the grace to look even more ashamed.

He looked around and decided to sit on the sofa with her, but far enough away that he wouldn't make her feel trapped and ran his hand through his hair in a nervous gesture that Bella knew all too well.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I honestly didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to see you and make sure you were alright. I haven't heard from you today..."

"Edward, enough. I don't want to talk about this right now, my head is killing me and I think I pulled something in my neck." Edward started to move off the couch. "And no! Before you start with the whole Carlisle thing, I don't need to go see him, I'll be fine. I'll just take some Advil and go to bed."

Edward looked concerned and not entirely in agreement, but he had started to learn that when Bella used that tone, despite his better judgment and opinion, it never got him anywhere when he tried to point out the errors of her ways, and make her see that he was just doing what was best for her. So, he calmly stood up and replied "Let me get you those pills and a glass of water and then I'll tuck you up in bed, okay?"

"No, Edward, please. Just let me sort myself out. Go home, or go hunting or something and I'll call you tomorrow. I promise ok?" She could see he was still biting his tongue about something, but she just needed to be alone. Her attempt to calm herself down today and let her mind ease to the point where she could start to untangle her thoughts had been destroyed by Edward's smothering and she just needed to go to bed and hope that tomorrow would be a better day.

"Well... can't I help you upstairs? You look a little shaky?"

Against her better judgment she thought she should at least give him that, otherwise he'd go off feeling all upset and worrying about her even more.

'Let him see that I'm fine and able to take care of myself and maybe he'll chill the heck out.' she thought, knowing that it was a fruitless wish.

"Fine, help me upstairs and then I'll get some pills from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and get ready for bed and you can let yourself out the way you came in and we'll talk tomorrow okay?"

"Bella, about tomorrow, Alice told us that it's going to be sunny...all week. I'm so sorry but I can't go to school with you, my love." He looked so lost and apologetic.

"I know. She told me, and I don't need you to apologize, you don't control the sun now too do you?" At least Edward had the sense to look contrite. "So I'll call you when I get home. Okay?"

"Don't you want me to come over and meet you when you get home from school?" he asked puzzled.

"No, look I've got some things I need to do here with Charlie, and it's...it's just complicated okay? I mean I'm going to be leaving here soon and I want to spend the last little bit of time I've got left with just me and him. You understand, right?"

Edward looked even more upset as he realized that their love was robbing her of her real family. He felt guilty that he wanted, no, he needed to be with her so much that he was taking away the few precious hours that she'll ever have left with her father. Once they were married and he had conceded to allowing her to be turned into the same monster as his adopted family, she'd never be able to see her father again. He couldn't begrudge her that, even if he'd end up pacing around the forest, just out of sight and earshot, just in case she needed him or was in danger. His shoulders slumped but he fought to put a believable smile on his face.

"Of course, my love. You have a great time with your father. Maybe give me a call when you get the chance?" he asked, eyebrows raising in hope.

"Of course Edward. I'm not ignoring you, I'm just trying to spend time with my dad. He's still on a rampage about college, so I have to at least humor him about that, and anything I can do to try and offset his feelings about the wedding, well you know."

"I completely understand. Look, it's late and you're in pain and you must be tired. You've got an early start tomorrow so let's get you to bed, okay?"

Realizing that she'd won an argument with Edward for a change, and bought herself a little more time to try and sort through her father's words, she accepted his offer and walked slowly up the stairs.

'Beep! Buzzt! Beep! Buzzt! Beep! Buzzt!' went the alarm on Bella's phone, as it tried to slowly vibrate itself off of her beside table. Her arm slowly raised itself over to the phone and swiped off the alarm before falling back onto the comforter.

Bella Swan had spent the second night in a row awake and greeting the dawn, but she much preferred the previous day's morning to her current one. With a deep and long sigh, she reluctantly threw off her covers and stepped out of bed, shuffling over to the open window. She didn't notice the cold anymore. After all, having spent so much time wrapped in the arms of her Vampire family, what's a bit of Washington State September breeze?

Why had she left it open again? She'd made it perfectly clear to her boyfriend... no fiancé, that she didn't need or want his company either last night or for the rest of the day, having conceded to phoning her when she returned 'straight home' from school. She sighed again. Like she could really get into trouble in the nine blocks between her father's house and the group of shacks and outbuildings comprising Forks High School.

She knew why she'd left it open, and felt too stupid to even internally verbalize it. Alice had already left with Jasper and was probably by now landing somewhere in Wellington New Zealand. It made no sense why she still held onto a tiny speck of hope that at some point during the long and lonely night that she'd see those black spikes poke up from the bottom of her window sill, followed by two piercing golden eye's dancing with mirth. Nevertheless though, she'd left it open and froze all night.

She'd managed to get a few hours sleep in between the whirling confusion that was her mind, but they weren't enough and her body was making that point out to her loud and clear. 'I know, I know...' she thought to herself feeling so tired that even lifting her arm to close the window took a supreme effort of will. And what had it been for? Had she resolved anything? Had she found enlightenment or answers? Had she been able to even decide if Charlie and Alice were really right or if she wasn't the pathetic mess they'd described?

Nope.

'Well at least I've got today to try and figure this out' she mused, as yet another sigh left her chest, but this was drowned out by the scraping and bang that her slamming the sash window down and locking it caused.

"Bella? Are you okay?" her father's voice called from somewhere deep in the house.

'Shit!' she thought, forgetting her father was probably still having his early breakfast before leaving for the station.

"Sorry Dad! I just closed my window..." she shouted in the direction of her bedroom door, hoping he could hear her enough that she wouldn't hear his lumbering footsteps and have him burst through her door. He'd probably be expecting to find her lying on the floor covered in blood from some klutzy move her almost 18 year old body had failed to manage. Again.

"You're okay?" he called back, uncertainty in his voice. His voice closer now, probably at the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeah Dad, I'll be down in a second," Bella replied. 'Great, and I bet it's all down hill from here...' she sulked.

Charlie sat back down to his slightly soggy cereal and cooling mug of coffee, the second already of the morning, and picked back up the local newspaper. His eye's didn't register the black and white words in front of him, instead they focused through the paper and into that space where they replayed the entire weekend back over and over again.

The day before, he knew, he'd avoided her as much as to give her space as himself. He wouldn't call himself a coward; he'd earned that right defending and protecting the citizens of his home town for the best part of his life - you can't be called a coward when you've starred down the barrel of a loaded .45 held in the shaking arms of some transient drug addled low life thief - but he couldn't help feeling that he knew what to do and how to cope with that situation much better than any presented by his virtually adult baby girl.

He'd meant everything he'd said, and more than anything he just wanted his daughter to be happy, healthy and strong. He knew he'd failed her, he'd failed at virtually every personal relationship he'd ever had - his parents, his long dead sister, his ex-wife, but none were near as important as the young woman upstairs. The same one that he knew in a few short months would leave him behind in this cold, lonely little house and move away with nary a glance in the rearview mirror.

He dropped the paper and took a deep breath, head in hands.

'What do I say when she comes down? Do I pretend like nothing happened? Let her bring it up again if she wants to? Or should I bring it up? Take the bull by the horns and deal with it?'

He wished, not for the first time, that he had a woman in his life, women are so much better that this stuff. They'd know what to do. What the hell did he know about raising a girl, let alone an adult woman? He was an old fool to even think he could do it.

Noises from upstairs caused him to raise his face from his hands and look to the ceiling above the kitchen table. His senses told him that Bella had just moved from her bedroom to the bathroom and as he heard the water from the shower turned on he knew he had at least ten minutes to get his shit together and figure this thing out.

He'd hoped Billy would have given him the answers yesterday, but that had turned out to be a complete bust. Even though he has two daughters of his own, it turns out Billy was just as clueless as he was, relying more on the advice of Sue Clearwater than anything. When his girls hit puberty and went through those scary changes, it was Sue who stepped up and took care of them. Maybe he could ask Sue? He dismissed that almost as soon as he thought it. It would be too embarrassing to relive that night to anyone else, even Sue.

No, he had to 'man up' and sort this out. He may not have been there for the last twelve years of Bella's life, but that wasn't entirely his fault, and he'd be damned if he was going to step back now, not in these last few precious months he still had with her.

The shower above him shut off and he heard the doors open and close in reverse from before. He stood up to get Bella's favorite cereal from the cupboard and a glass of juice from the fridge, wondering why he'd never done it before. He'd always left it to her to sort herself out, not because he respected her to make her own decisions but more from fear of getting it wrong, being rejected. He'd taken a lot of cuts to his heart, but none as deep as the few times that his daughter had rejected him, whether from going fishing or hiking, to the deepest - not wanting to visit over the summers anymore.

He'd just got a spoon from the cutlery drawer when he heard his daughters hesitant and light footsteps descending the stairs, and turned to look at her with what he hoped a welcoming smile on his face. Bella momentarily took her eye's off of her feet, not usually a good decision when walking down a staircase, as she felt her father's eyes on her and returned his smile with a more tentative one of her own, before quickly dropping them back to her treacherous feet. Safely on the ground again, she moved in her normal gait towards the cereal cupboard before noticing Charlie stood over her usual spot at the kitchen table.

"I've already got your breakfast out Bells..." he smiled at her, the smile slightly faltering under the surprised gaze of his daughter. "Er... if that's okay?" he added, feeling utterly stupid for even thinking he could know what she was wanting to eat this morning.

In truth Bella was starving, having barely eaten the day before, and after glancing down to the table seeing a tall glass of Minute Maid fresh orange juice and the box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch - both two of her favorite breakfast foods - her heart melted a little at the effort Charlie was making and once more she felt so awful for not spending every single moment she should have with her father.

In an uncharacteristic display of emotion, she moved quickly and wrapped her arms tightly around the bear of a man in front of her, missing his startled expression. "Thanks Dad! It's perfect!"

It took a good four seconds before Charlie composed himself enough to relax into the hug and wrap his own arms around the young woman attached limpet-like to his body. He chuckled deprecatingly. "It's only breakfast Bells, I didn't buy you a new car."

She laughed too before relaxing and pulling back to look up into his deep dark eyes, eye's that could very well be her own and swatted playfully at his arm. "Hey! Be nice, my truck could hear you and get a complex," she giggled - actually giggled - and felt the relief flood through her, she could feel it in each cell in her body, her fingertips so supersensitive she would swear she could feel her own fingerprints. It was going to be okay. Her and Charlie were going to be okay.

Charlie was the first to let go, and she didn't miss the red tint to his cheeks, but more out of sympathy and understanding than discomfort didn't mention it, and they both moved to sit in their chairs opposite each other. As Bella started to pour her cereal into the white bowl in front of her Charlie said, "Look, about the other night..."

Bella knew this was coming, had been prepared for this first meeting to go one way or the other, but hadn't known what decision to make until she was sat there looking at the slightly aging man with heartache written all over him. She made her decision and took a deep breath, stopped pouring her cereal, looked him right in the eyes and smiled. "Dad, it's okay," she said. "Honestly. In fact I've been trying to think about everything you said, and I er... I talked it over with Alice." Bella saw a slight widening of her father's eyes and knew he was uncomfortable thinking that anyone else would know what had happened and she certainly would never tell him she was outside the window the whole time and saw everything, but she continued. "In fact, Alice said she completely agrees with you." His eye's virtually popped out of his head. "So, really, don't worry about it. I'm not going to say I understand everything, you know... the how's and why's and... stuff. But you and Alice are the two people I trust the most, and if you both think the same things, then who am I to disagree? I just, well I guess I just have to work out what it all means and where I go from here." Bella smiled again, trying to calm her father down before she gave him a heart attack, and continued to pour her cereal.

"You know I didn't mean to hurt you, don't you?" Charlie said, fear lacing each word. The last thing he wanted to do was push her further away.

Bella put the cereal box down and reached across the table and took one of her father's hands in her own. For a second she was transported back to a time when as a little girl she'd cling to her father's hand, marveling in the roughness of the skin, and the size of it, totally enveloping her own, as he'd walk her safely across the road. She'd never forgotten that feeling, how just the massive size of his hand, swallowing hers but with a gentle strength, and how that made her feel so safe, secure and loved; it even felt just as good as when hold her, like some precious cargo, as he gently carried her up to her room at bedtime.

All that flashed behind her eyes in a barely a split second, and she felt herself unconsciously grasping at her father's hand even tighter.

"Dad... don't. Okay? I know we're not the most talkative people, or the most comfortable with our emotions, but I know, I've always known, just how much you love me. If you have any doubt it's my fault and mine alone. I basically abandoned you when I was a stupid kid and it's my fault I've lost all that time with you, but I'm telling you this now so you'd better listen up. I love you, Dad. And no matter what my future holds, or where I go, I promise you that I'll always love you. I'll always think of you and the best parts of me are what you handed down."

Charlie sat stunned. Tears burned in his eyes and for once he didn't care. Everything he'd ever worried about, every fear and insecurity he held over his long distance daughter were demolished in the open and frank love, freely shown by his beautiful young daughter, sitting with her own misty eye's, smiling in front of him.

'An old fool indeed,' he chastised himself.

With a sniff and a quick swipe of his free forearm across his face he smiled back at his beautiful Bella, too choked up to speak, but with a warm relief found that everything he wanted to say was already acknowledged in her kind eyes, and with another squeeze of their joined hands he knew, he really knew deep down in his bones, that they were going to be alright. That they were always going to be close, and alright.

He'd never known such relief and happiness before.

Bella sniffed and wiped her face herself, with a little more feminine grace than her father had done, thankfully, and said "Dad, we have to get over this, okay? I don't know exactly what's going to happen this year, or where I'm going to go..." She knew he'd be thinking about her pending marriage and college, but she was thinking about her being turned by the Cullens and what that would mean to her new and wonderful relationship with Charlie. "...but I can promise you that I wouldn't have changed this past eighteen months with you for the world. I finally got my Dad back, and there's no way I'm letting you go now."

"Oh Bells..." Charlie said, getting up from his chair and moving around to wrap her in a bone crushing hug. As she stood engulfed in the manly smells of gunoil, musky deodorant, and aftershave, she felt at peace. She also vowed that if she ever gets turned, she'll find a way to stay in her father's life. He was a good parent, when she had allowed him to be, and more importantly was a good man... a great man. And she decided right there and then that there was no way in hell she was going to leave him behind, to be cast off as if he meant as little as an old pair of shoes, and then move onto her life solely with the Cullens.

It had never occurred to her how easily in the past she was willing to let go of her real family, just in order to stay with her adoptive one. As happy and loved as she felt held tightly in her father's arms, another part of her, a more self aware part of her was appalled and disgusted and how trivially she had thought to leave Charlie, and Renee behind.

She may one day be able to be virtually immortal, but she was damned sure she was going to grab every single second left of her real family while they were alive

Rules, schmules.

And the first part of Bella's transformation had begun.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN:**

I said I wasn't going to do any authors notes; I figured I'd address anything that came up via PM's but as this story isn't getting many reviews and I don't receive many PM's I've resigned myself to resorting to this method.

Firstly, I'm not going to abandon this story. It's a labour of love of mine, and my death not withstanding, I shall continue it. I've had a bad year, hence the delay, and whilst I doubt the future will be any better, my muse has appeared this holiday season with a swift kick to the taco and here I am, expect another chapter with more Alice in it (yay) in a few short days.

This is, as I've said, my attempt at a) A full length novel, b) an Adult take on Bellice and Twilight, and c) a realistic depiction of the characters. My Vamps will have fangs when they want them - have you tried biting someone without fangs - it's really hard. And the Bellice won't stop when they get together - yes, despite the length it will come, their coupling with come about 1/3 to 1/2 way through the novel, however getting what seems like two previously and exclusively het. characters to that point (yes, I'm well aware of the amount of subtext in both the books and the movies - I'm sure SM is turning in her grave at that), I want to take a realistic and slow approach to it.

I know that I've lost a few readers because of that, and to them I'd say fine. You don't ultimately, know what you're missing, and you're missing the point if all you want is yet another 'first time' story. I'd rather keep a few loyal and intelligent readers along for the ride.

Lastly, the first part of this chapter is possibly going to upset a few of you. It's all for a good cause, just take one (and maybe a few more) for the team and suck it up girls. Also, there will be some degree of Douche-ward - I mean Edward - bashing. I've tried my best to portray him in a good light, and see things from his (misogynistic and patriarchal) point of view, but I just can't. The feminist in me can't stoop that low, let alone the lesbian in me. lol

So, that's it - my first AN. Enjoy the read - it's not as long as I'd hoped - I was pushing for about 20,000 words, but it felt natural to end it where I did, and I thought it was kinda funny too... If you'd like to review and tell me your thoughts, where you think it's going to go (I won't correct you or affirm you either way) and how my writing can improve to a more professional standard, please, please do so.

Without much further ado...I give you...

**"The Transformation of Isabella Marie Swan"**

**Chapter Five**

She glimpsed the cathedral-like ceilings as her eye's fluttered open for a second, her back arching off the satin and Egyptian cotton bedding as waves of pleasure washed over her; pounding her like waves colliding with pebbles on a beach - a noisy, almost violent cacophony of pictures, colours, sounds and emotions.

She felt a strong, thick hand wrap itself like a snake around her neck, squeezing but never threatening, yet still choking off a partial supply of cooling air to her lungs. Instead of inducing the panic that would be a normal by-product of being strangled, it only unleashed another, stronger, wave of pleasure as colours burst vividly behind her now closed eyes. Unable to form proper words - being strangled not withstanding – her noises and grunts and the snick-snack of piercingly sharp teeth snapping together added to the symphony being conducted by both her body and her husbands.

Jasper's own grunts and growls were rising now, a masculine baritone increasing in pitch with each thrust of his body as his own climax approached. His eye's burning coal as he glared at the porcelain yet almost-unbreakable doll-like creature beneath him - one hand wrapped snugly around her throat as she often liked him to, the other holding her left leg so high in the air that he was lifting her entire ass off the bed - manoeuvring and manipulating her in all directions with thrust of himself, filling her and caressing every part inside of her that he could.

Their lovemaking, he knew, went far beyond anything his siblings either did themselves, or even imagined, and no-one thought that the quiet and sensitive pair ever could ever behave in such a violent manner. It would no doubt shock and appall his surrogate parents no end - not to mention his pious and uptight younger brother...and he had no doubt if he told him details of even some of their exploits, he'd be able to stun Emmett to silence for at least several days. Literally. And whilst most people would think that such animalistic, aggressive and dominating sex would have been the 'man's' idea, and that his poor partner just going along with it for duties sakes. Nobody would have guessed it was really his bubbly little pixie's demands all along.

He'd spent years wondering how such a happy-go-lucky, charming and utterly feminine woman could be almost a raving manic behind the bedroom door. He finally thought that maybe it was because she never remembered being human, her 'Vampire' identity isn't just part of her psyche, but the entirety of it, that her...needs...are so...in-humane. She'd made him (under perpetual pleading and reassurance) bite her and more than once she'd made him take her so roughly and violently that he could only count it as 'consensual rape'. It took a lot for him to be able to give her what she seemed to need without guilt and shame crashing down on him like an avalanche.

What made it worse, was that in those moments of coupling, when his vampiric side's reins loosened, he could no longer deny that he didn't really enjoy it all. That the sex, and the cloudy haze of her emotions feeding his own, created a type of blissful state - despite the animalistic rending, tearing, biting and rutting. She was always so happy and relaxed afterwards though, always so tender and...soft to him that her sweet affection, love and gratitude was a soothing balm, the only medicine strong enough to quell the nagging doubts and guilt after these frenzied passioned matings.

He was getting so close, the pleasure almost painful, located in his groin; she was moving so fast against him, their rhythm building to the crescendo, her now quiet gasps counterpointed by the ripping of the bedding as her hands - like talons - grabbed and released and scratched everywhere around her she could reach; the tingling burning sensations telling him any moment now he would come crashing into and over the woman he had impaled on the tangled sheets beneath him.

And then...she stopped.

It was so instantaneous, like a candle snuffed out in an icy gust, that even with his preternatural senses and speed it didn't quite register until he spilled himself, flooding her with his impotent venom, a strangled grown pushing out of his belly as his thrusts slowed to an eventual stop.

When he was fully back in himself, he looked as the statue lying emotionless and vacant beneath him and guilt, shame, remorse and more annoyance than he'd ever like to admit rose like bile in his throat, competing with the concern and uncertainty he always felt when his wife was stolen by the future.

Never having been in this exact situation before, he was completely unprepared for what he should do. Should he remove himself from her? Should he wait until she came back? Was it proper to just pick up where she'd left off, even if he'd already completed the act without her really even being in the room? All this swam through his mind whilst he too stayed frozen as a statue, hovering above her like the canopy on the bed above him.

There is no real physical change, yet he could tell the very nano-second that Alice came back in the room. It wasn't any dilation or contraction of her eye's; nor any increase in respiration, movement or sound. It was just like watching her soul snap back into her body and once again, Alice was with him, her previously vacant - yet none-the-less beautiful - shell filled with the characteristic warmth, love, joy and magical...something... that was just 'Alice'.

As she came back to herself, reacquainting herself with all the sensations of her body, the act of re-attachment, she realised with utter sorrow that she'd left her husband at exactly the wrong moment. She couldn't help it - she hadn't even been thinking...well...of anything before her vision took her away, and looking up into the face of her beloved husband she could see his own internal war raging.

"Oh Jazz..." she said softly, with such regret and tenderness, as she raised her hand to gently caress his left cheek.

His eye's closed - body still rigid - and nestled softly against her smooth palm. "It's okay my love, I'm sorry I..." He paused, embarrassed even after all their years together. He always was the perfect gentlemen to her. "Are you ok? Is everything alright?" he asked, concern flooding his eyes.

"It's nobodies fault by mine, my love." Alice said with regret. "And yes, everything's alright." She paused. "Erm, shall we...?" her tone rising with suggestion?

Jasper took little more than a moment to realise what she was asking, and with a small smile, removed himself, letting go of the holds he had on her body, and gathering the remains of the comforter, lay next to Alice, holding her close to him as she turned and lay partially on top of him, her head resting in the crook of his right shoulder - her favourite spot in all the world. Closely followed (strangely) by her in Jasper's position with Bella resting on and against her.

Jasper sensed the swell of tenderness from his wife and mistakenly assumed it was directed at him, and tightened his grasp on her right shoulder - pulling her even tighter.

"So...?" he asked.

Alice paused for a moment. How could she bring this up now? "It's nothing sweetheart..." she said, feeling uncomfortable and more than a little guilty.

He loosened his grip and turned until they were lying face to face. He could see the guilty almost shameful expression in her face almost as clearly as he felt it from the emotions she was putting out, like pheromones in the air.

"Please, my lady. Tell me? It's ok... I'm sorry I...finished...without you. That's my fault." He paused, then smiled sultrily "Well, and your's for being such a sexy minx."

Alice giggled shyly, and his heart swelled with love for her all over again. Then the smile fell slightly as she bolstered herself to tell him the truth.

"Well...it's Bella." She said hesitantly. As much as he loved her, and fully supported her relationship with the young human, he was still a man, and still her husband and was more than a little jealous of the time they spent together.

It was an old discussion - never a fight - she was his world, with their family of course, but she was the Sun around which he orbited. Whilst he loved that she finally had a friend, a best friend, who was completely accepting about their nature, and allowed Alice to fulfil all the missing girlish experiences she'd missed out on, he still missed her when she spent most of their free time either talking to, thinking about or hanging around with Bella.

"Is she okay? Do we need to leave?" he asked, starting to get worried. They were staying at the Four Seasons in New York City, in their most expensive penthouse, just for a few days, whilst he took Alice to see the Ballet and the Symphony Orchestra... and had a few days alone for some much needed 'Husband and Wife' time. They'd only been here overnight, and now he faced the possibility that they'd have to pack up and return quickly back to Washington.

Alice quickly put his fears to rest. "No! She's fine. Better than fine actually. She's... she's doing brilliantly! I'm so proud of her Jasper! She's... well she's made a decision, that will cause us all a bit of a problem in the future, but it's wonderful and truly special. As much as I love her I didn't think she had it in her. She's growing up Jazzy! She's becoming a woman and I'm so...proud!" she gushed, the light and excitement pouring from her face, almost blinding Jasper in her joy.

He smiled. Both for Bella and for themselves. "Well, that's great Darlin'. What'd she decide?"

"Not now sweetie, this is our time..." she paused. "But before we pick up where we left off, I just need to send one quick little text.. okay?" she smiled sweetly.

His libido already rising beneath the expensive (and tattered) sheets, he smiled. "Whatever you say Darlin'.", and with that she flashed out of the bed.

Jasper lay back on the bed and waited for Alice to return. 'Thank the Lord for Vampire stamina and recuperation' he thought happily.

* * *

><p>Bella was almost at school when her iPhone chirped in her bag to signal that she'd received a text message. She normally only received them from Alice, but Alice was on 'alone time' with Jasper. Her stomach twisted strangely again. Pushing thoughts of that aside, she mentally went through the rest of her shortlist. Occasionally she'd get a message from Edward - he seemed to have a degree of loathing for most modern technology - yet even rarer would she get one from the rest of her friends - noticeable Jessica with some trivial and almost always false rumour or gossip.<p>

Jacob, when he talked to her, only ever phoned, and they'd been spending less and less time together recently, despite being back on good terms. She knew it was because of their recent mountain top confessions. She longed for him to find himself a girlfriend - a mate - of his own. She didn't want him lonely anymore.

The phone chirped a second time, snapping her out of her thoughts. Wondering who it could be and ashamed enough to admit she was a little excited, she reached into her bag, eye's still carefully and safely peeled to the empty road ahead of her. As her fingers brushed passed pens, lip balm (that she frequently forgot to re-apply during the day - and humiliatingly had to be continually reminded by Alice), hair brush, wallet and other personal effects, she found the cool metal and glass device and pulled it from the bag, trying no to spill anything out with it. She lost countless things already under her trucks bench seat.

As luck would have it, the last set of lights before the school turned red ahead of her and she brought the lumbering vehicle to a shuddering halt. Using this short gift of time, she turned the phone over and gazed at the screen.

**Message from: Alice**

**I'm so proud of you Bells! You're a wonderful**

**daughter and I'm proud as punch over what**

**you said to Charlie this morning!**

**Love you and be safe.**

**Alice**

**xXx**

As she sat there in the cab of her rusty old truck, her heart glowing in the praise and love of her best friend, she wasn't even bothered that her face and neck were the same colour as the light outside her windshield.

* * *

><p>"Rose honey, do you want to come downstairs please? You father and I want to talk to you." Esme called quietly from the bottom of the stairs.<p>

She turned and walked back to her husband, who was sitting reading the morning paper on the huge white leather couch. He looked up, a wry smile and a knowing twinkle in his eyes as she returned a smile of her own and sat down next to him. Carlisle, folded his newspaper and wrapped his left arm around his wife. Her scent and the soft tickle of her hair as she rested her head on his shoulder calming as ever.

As they sat there they heard the door click and a muffled "Good luck." from Emmett, signifying that their oldest daughter was on her way. It took all their heightened vampiric hearing to hear her gentle footsteps until she turned the corner and walked down the staircase towards them. Ever proud, Rosalie held her head high with a haughty expression on her flawless face. However, both the older couple could see the underlying tension and hint of nervousness that the young woman would never believe betrayed her.

"Please take a seat daughter." Carlisle said, gesturing to the love seat to the right of the sofa, placing Rosalie with her back to the sheet glass windows and the morning sunlight pouring through the increasingly bare branches of the forest.

With an almost imperceptible huff, the young woman sat, elegantly yet tensely, perched on the edge of her seat. Ankles crossed and to the side, with knees together and hands daintily folder in her lap. Shoulders back and head up straight she was a picture of old-fashioned propriety and female elegance, however in this modern age it made her look so much older than her features alone.

Esme regarded the young woman opposite with fondness and disappointment. The woman had so much love within her, so much wit, charm, intelligence and dry humour. She was among a very few beings on the planet that ever saw it and even then she saw it so infrequently. Rosalie hid behind her distant and dismissive facade, cooly watching, judging and critiquing, yet always aloof and one step outside of the world and family around her.

Taking a calming breath she looked at her eldest and said, "Rose, do you want to tell your father, in your own words, what last night was all about?"

"Not particularly..." Rosalie said under her breath.

"I'm sorry?" Carlisle enquired, despite having heard what she said perfectly.

Rose coughed - completely unnecessarily - and replied. "Sorry, I was just clearing my throat." Esme barely contained a smile, unlike Carlisle who chuckled out loud.

"I trust you're well daughter? Or do you require me to get my bag and give you a once over?"

Rosalie's eye's hardened momentarily and then softened as she looked at the two Vampires she called her parents. She loved them - in all honestly far more than her real biological parents - and with a slight smile said "That's okay father. It's just a bug going around and I'm over the worst of it."

"That's my girl, glad to hear it." He smiled once more before putting his best parental face on. "I hear you and Alice had a fight and it got a little...out of hand?"

With a sigh, and a minute drop of her shoulders, Rosalie replied indignantly. "I didn't let it get out of hand. She hit me remember?"

"That's what I heard. Care to explain what brought Alice to do such an...uncharacteristic thing?" Carlisle said calmly.

"She's not the perfect, sweet little Alice she'd have you believe! You know she plays you both like violins!? Just like the spoilt baby of the famil..."

"Rosalie! That's enough! What on earth's got into you?" Esme exclaimed, removing herself from her husbands hold and leaning forward in her seat ready to move over to the girl in front of her.

"Can we please all calm down and discuss this like adults?" Carlisle interjected.

Slowly Esme relaxed back into her seat, and Rosalie, with yet another sigh, sat back into the chair, crossing her legs and looked at the turned off television for a moment, gathering herself. She didn't know how she was going to get out of this without actually telling the truth - something she was utterly loathed to do.

The silence continued, her parents increasingly aware something serious was bothering her and tacitly gave her the space to verbalise her feelings; Rosalie however, didn't know what would get her out of this room and keep her...observations and beliefs to herself. Finally, when the silence had dragged on long enough, and she felt she had an ethereal hold on a possible talking point she could argue, she began.

"Alice and I...were discussing...Bella. I merely pointed out that just like everyone else in this family, everything she says, does and talks about is Bella, Bella, bloody Bella!"

"Language young lady! I won't have that language spoken in front of either me or your father, let alone about that sweet, sweet girl!" Esme shouted, the volume of her voice reaching throughout the entire house and more than muffling the quiet click from the room directly above them. Rosalie let out another huff when her mother spoke the word 'sweet'.

Carlisle raised a hand. "What is it about Bella that has upset you so?" he asked, genuinely confused. Despite being a little shy, quiet, more than a little of a danger magnet and less self assured and confident than he would have liked a young woman of the 21st Century to be, he loved Bella just as much as any of his children, and felt nothing but pride at how she'd handled everything the last few years had thrown at her.

Another pause. "It's just she's bad news. She's going to be the ruin of this Family...and..." she paused again. "She's going to break Edward's heart; which would be bad enough, except he's only just found it!" she finished.

Esme gasped at the harsh judgement passed on sweet Bella, and coldness of Rosalie's tone, albeit despite a small part of her in full agreement about the recent discovery of said heart.

"Why do you think she's going to do that?" Carlisle asked, more concerned than before.

"I...I..." She took a deep breath. "...I think she's going to cancel the wedding."

A slight crash from above this time quiet clearly audible, and within a moment an angry, slightly panic faced Edward was on the rug in front of all three of them.

"What the hell do you mean she's going to cancel the wedding?!" he screeched.

* * *

><p>Bella pulled her truck into her usual spot at Forks high school, and after turning off the ignition and setting the parking brake, she glanced at the clock on her iPhone. Smiling, knowing she had a few minutes to herself, she re-read for the fifth time the message from Alice. Each time she thought she could feel her heart grow a little bigger, like the Grinch after discovering Christmas and she desperately wanted to call Alice and talk to her.<p>

What stopped her was that she didn't want to disturb Alice's 'alone time' with Jasper. She felt awful that she felt so...uncomfortable every time she thought about where Alice was and what she was probably doing. She certainly didn't resent her best friend anything, and rejoiced in anything that put a smile on her pixie's face - well, except Barbie Bella - but still that tiny annoying sink in her stomach told her to just forget about all 'that' stuff and bask in the best morning she could remember having since... Well, let's say it's been a long time coming.

Grabbing her bag from the seat next to her and sliding out of her van, Bella walked towards her group of human friends with a cheshire cat smile on her face. Typically, it was Mike, who no doubt was watching her since she pulled into the parking lot, who smiled and shouted a greeting to her first, followed quickly by 'Hi's' and 'Hey's' from the rest of the group. Standing close to her steady boyfriend, but still somehow on the very edge of the group was her best human girl-friend, Angela. She smiled warmly and her eyes glowed with happiness at seeing Bella.

"You look happy." Angela stated warmly.

"Yeah...Good morning - no, make that a _great_ morning!"

"Have a good weekend Bella?" Mike eagerly interrupted. Bella couldn't help but notice the fleeting glare and crinkle to Jessica's brow. Or the tightening of her arm wrapped around the lanky boy's waist.

Memories came flooding back to Bella of her weekend. The time spent with Edward, the engagement - thank god nobody spotted the ring yet - and then 'The Talk' as she'd now labelled it. The following day spent crying in bed, held in the comforting arms of her best friend. The migraines from sore eyes and deep thinking. Her dazzling smiles dropped from her face.

"...yeah." she replied, not looking directly at Mike. She focused on Angela's brown bespectacled eyes. "Er...do you think we could talk? You know...privately?" she finished, whispering.

Angela instantly sobered up, detecting that something...big had happened. She glanced to her boyfriend Ben, who was still arguing with Tyler and Lauren about something pointless, and with a quick peck to his cheek let go of his arm and walked with Bella back towards the big red truck.

"Is everything okay Bella?" she asked, worry tinging her voice.

"Yeah, sorry. It's...well..." Bella trailed off.

Angela looked around; they were far enough away from everyone else - the rest of the student body were doing their usual talking, fighting, throwing balls and putting on makeup normally disallowed when they were at home. The two young women were for all intents and purposes alone in the crowd - no-one would hear their conversation and no-one would get close enough to without them noticing.

"It's okay...in your own time."

Bella sighed and ran her hand through her hair. She bit her bottom lip as she sorted her thoughts out, and standing a little straighter, thought of that mornings talk with her father and the support from Alice and said "It's been a very...big...weekend. Some stuff happened - everyone's ok...I think. It's just that...well...I'd like your advice."

Angela tilted her head slightly. It was very unusual for the normally stoic Bella to start any conversation, let alone something big. Plus she almost never asks anyone - save Alice - for advice, so she gave Bella her full attention, putting her hand on Bella's arm.

"You can ask me anything. I can't promise I'll know the answer, but I'm sure together we can work it out, okay?"

Bella smiled. She was thankful for many things since coming to Forks. The easy, simple and warm friendship with this smart, kind and attractive girl was definitely a big one of them.

"Thanks Ange. I knew I could count on you." Bella said. At that point she noticed some of the other students start making their way into the school, and she knew their time to talk had passed. "Would it erm...be okay if maybe I came over tonight? After school? Could we talk privately then?"

"Well, I was going out with Ben tonight, as my brothers have finally got a baby-sitter that isn't me. But we were only going to get a burger at the Diner and then go to the park. We can do that another time. Follow me home okay? And I'll make us something - we'll be home alone."

Bella felt guilty, but relived and grateful more. "If you're sure that's okay? I don't want to screw up your plans?"

"Pssh! If anything it'll keep him on his toes." Angela smiled. "I don't want him getting bored with me do I?" she laughed.

Bella joined her as the started to move towards the main building and homeroom. "As if Ange. He should be counting his lucky stars you agreed to date him in the first place, you're awesome and you know it!" she said in humour but with sincerity.

"A...men...sistah!"Angela tried in her best ghetto voice, punctuating it with a snap of her fingers and a wave of her arm in a lazy 'Z' shape.

It wasn't good.

Bella smiled and groaned in sympathy with her friend.

"I don't think I'll do that ever again." Angela muttered as they both hurried, chuckling, to beat the bell.

* * *

><p>"I said...'What the hell do you mean she's going to cancel the wedding'?!" Edward screamed at Rosalie.<p>

Rose reeled slightly in her chair; she never even heard him come home, and she certainly wouldn't have said that if she knew he was within listening distance. A loud bang and a blur brought Emmett down, solidifying between the shocked Rosalie and livid bronze haired boy.

"Don't you be getting piss-y with my Rosie, Eddy-boy, or we'll have to take this outside." Emmett threatened.

"ENOUGH!" shouted Esme, and the windows rattled in their frames.

"Emmett, go hunt or something. Leave us alone. Edward - don't you dare speak to your sister like that, if you'd sit down and be quiet we'll get to the bottom of this." Carlisle interjected, standing ready to put himself in between the two young men.

Esme stood and walked over to Emmett, putting her hand on his thick bicep as if to urge him to go.

"Mom, I'm not leaving Rose here to get screamed at by 'Bed-Head'" Emmett said defiantly, immovable and still glaring at his youngest brother.

"Butt out Cave-Man..." Edward growled and stepped towards Emmett. Carlisle blurred between them.

"I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH!" Esme shouted. Birds stop chipping in the surrounding trees. "Emmett, so help me, if you don't stop provoking Edward and leave right now you're going to be in serious trouble young man. For _YEARS.._." With a huff and a pout worthy of a bratty three-year-old, Emmett ran into the forest, tree's cracking as he went.

Esme turned her attention to the contrite looking man towered over by her husband. "As for you Edward, language like that will not be tolerated. Your music studio is off limits for two weeks. If you're going to act like a spoilt little child, I'll treat you like one." She paused gathering her calmness. "Now, sit down and let's all _calmly_ get to the bottom of what I'm sure is just a complete misunderstanding."

With a growl under his voice, Edward stomped over to the arm chair at the other end of the couch, so he could face Rosalie and watch for whatever telltale sign would give her away as the jealous, spiteful, hateful little bitch he knew she was.

When the air in the room felt at least a little calmer, both parents sat back down on the couch and took turns looking at each of their children. Rosalie had regrouped during the standoff and was back to her haughty self, perched on the edge of the seat again.

Carlisle sighed to himself, and with a final sympathetic glance to his wife, he spoke. "Rosalie, calmly, would you please explain what makes you think Bella is going to cancel the wedding?"

"She's too young. She doesn't want it."

"That's not true!" Edward stated.

"What did I say?" Esme growled, halting Edward in his rebuttal. "If you can't sit there quietly, without interrupting until we get to the bottom of this, then I'll ask you to leave and we'll have this talk without you." She took a breath. "Now, which will it be Edward, because if you stay I don't want to hear a peep from you until you can behave like a gentleman?"

Edward took a breath, ran both hands through his hair, and sat back in his chair. "Sorry. I'm fine. It's...I'm fine. Sorry."

"Thank you Edward, but that was your last warning." Esme said, giving the boy a withering warning look. Turning to face her daughter and with an apologetic expression she said. "Sorry Rose, go ahead sweetheart."

"Look. No-one's said anything ok. The human..."

Edward growled.

"Rosalie..." Carlisle warned.

Rose huffed. "_Bella_" she said sarcastically, "hasn't said anything. It's just that he -" she pointed to the boy opposite her "- has basically bribed her into it. I may have...overheard Bella talking to Alice a while back, talking about marriage and she was all against it. Said she never wanted to get married, said she didn't believe in it."

Edward glared daggers at his sister, but stayed quiet.

"What do you mean 'bribed' her?" Carlisle enquired. Esme turned her head to get a reading from her son.

"I mean that he won't turn her unless she agreed to marry him."

All eyes turned to the boy in the armchair. He had enough grace to look slightly uncomfortable.

"Is this true son?" said Carlisle.

"Oh Edward, you didn't..." Esme said softly.

The leather creaked under the grip of his vice-like fingers as he tried to keep from ripping his sisters smug expression from her face.

"It's...it's not like that." he paused, the muscles in his jaw overworking.

He didn't elaborate further.

"What is it like son?" Carlisle was starting to get concerned now that there was indeed something wrong.

"It's nothing. It's..." he struggled for words to explain the complicated situation to his family. He shouldn't have to explain! They should be pleased for him and stay out of his business and stop trying to besmirch his fiancé's motives.

"Did you or did you not refuse to have sex with her until you were married?" Rosalie barked, her face awash with smugness.

"Rosalie!" Esme exclaimed, her head flashing between the two children like she was watching a tennis match on fast-forward.

"What's wrong with that? I was raised properly, unlike some people I could mention!"

Carlisle raised his hand and loudly put a stop to the fight. "Rose enough please. Edward, you do understand this is different time, things change and despite how frozen we are, we still have the capactiy to grow...to adapt. It's a blessing really, we have infinite time to learn and experience new things, but to do that we must let go of old ways and embrace each new age..."

"Are you saying I should be sleeping around like some common sailor?" Edward challenged.

"No Edward, that's not what I was saying." Carlisle looked at Esme, and taking the metaphorical baton, she picked up where he left off.

"Edward, understand she's a modern girl. It's common for young men and women to sleep with each other before marriage - to have many partners before finding the one they want to settle down with. You must know this."

"Of course I know this - but Bella isn't like that. She's better than all of those trashy women. She's still pure and whilst I loathe the thought of her losing her soul, I know it's a forgone conclusion. But whilst I've lost that battle - God forgive me - I can at least ensure her virtue remains intact until our wedding night."

"Oh my god...Can you believe this? Has the TV got stuck on some 'Bible Channel' recently?" Rosalie bitched from the other side of the room.

Edward growled, louder and leaned forward in his chair.

"That's not helping Rose." Carlisle admonished. "Please drop the sarcasm. Now, what facts do you have that gave reason to your...statement?" he asked.

"Well...facts?" she queried, then continued. "Well, no facts exactly."

"I knew it!"

"Edward enough! Let your sister speak!" Carlisle warned.

"It's just that, since she's been...in...our families lives, I've watched her. I've listened to her chats with Alice and Esme, and watched her with him." She pointed again at Edward. "And this..." she waved her arms up and down at Edward. "...this isn't _her_." 'You're not kidding' she thought to her self. Quickly she stopped herself from going further and put up her mental blocks against Edward. She did, however, catch his eyes tightening at what little she'd let slip out.

"She..." she couldn't bring herself to say the two words that should have followed on from that - she didn't believe them herself, but she had her own inklings about that and she certainly wasn't going to voice them out loud to anyone in this room. "She _agreed_ because she's been backed into a corner. As much as I don't want the..." she struggled to come up with alternative words to 'pain in the ass'. "_Bella_...in the family, I can see that's out of my decision. But for him to pressure her and manipulate her into it is just wrong and he knows it."

Edward growled louder and his fingers finally punctured the leather arms of his chair. It took all of his control not to smack some proper sense into his 'beloved' sister.

Ignoring the damage to her armchair, Esme put a hand on Edward's to calm him and warn him not to lose control.

"So, let me get this straight. You've not heard her say, nor seen her actively and recently demonstrate that she does not want to marry Edward, nor have you seen her intend to mislead him in any way?" Carlisle summarised.

The words Rosalie so desperately wanted to say bubbled on her tongue like poison. With just a few words, a dozen or so syllables, she could bring this whole thing crashing down. But it was too soon. She didn't have proof and if she didn't play this correctly and time it just perfectly, she would be seen to be the trouble-maker and not the oh-so-precious Bella. So, with great effort, she swallowed the poison, ready to spit another day and simply just agreed with her father. She was done with this conversation.

"Yes." she simply said.

Esme looked at Carlisle. He knew her well enough that he could read the minute movements of her eyes and eyebrows, the changing tightness in her lips and the tilt of her head. Imperceptibly he communicated back to her. They were in agreement.

"Well, then I think that's enough. I don't need to tell you not to provoke your sister again do I?" Esme said, her hand still holding Edward still.

"No, mother." Rosalie said, staring at the pattern on the rug at her feet.

Esme sighed. "Well then dear, I think you should go find your husband and hunt. Come back when you're both a lot calmer."

Rose nodded, and without a glance to anyone, flitted out of the room and silently vanished into the morning forest.

"Now then son, I think we have some things to discuss, don't we?" Carlisle said, focusing on the angry boy.

"Like what? I haven't done anything!" the young man cried.

Carlisle looked at his wife. She looked back at Edward. "Like we're not exactly happy with what's been going on with you and Bella and we want to make sure you're not...managing the situation incorrectly..."

Edward huffed and slouched back into the chair.

'This is going to be a long day.' he thought forlornly to himself.

* * *

><p>Bella sighed, 'I can't wait for this day to be over' she thought to herself. After leaving Angela and the rest of her friends to their first lecture Bella couldn't help but think about 'The Talk'. It didn't matter what lesson they were doing, or how busy the halls were, it was all she could think about – her good mood from this morning all but lost. She couldn't wait for the school day to be over and this last class was dragging; she desperately needed to talk to someone and was eternally grateful she had a true friend in Angela. The girl was razor sharp, in intelligence and humour, and she knew that her council would help her illuminate her way through the maze of fears, doubts and questions still swirling through her mind from 'The Talk'.<p>

She couldn't quite let herself fully agree with her father and Alice. It wasn't that she thought they were wrong per se, just that what little pride and ego she had refused to let her concede that she'd been living such a hollow life, that she'd given so much of herself away and made such poor decisions that the person and personality she was left to be was a pitiful husk, something she couldn't help but despise despite the nagging doubt the tatters of her ego held on to.

'So, if they're right...'

'They are.' a small voice echoed in her head.

More forcefully she countered, 'IF they are right, then what do I do? How do I do it? Who the hell am I?" she continued to argue with herself.

'Maybe I'm going mad' she thought. 'Maybe this is how it all ends, the fractured girl shatters and like Humpty Dumpty nobody will be able to put me back together again...'

She sighed, and the girl sitting in front of her turned around, for the third time, and glared at her.

'Suck it.' Bella thought snidely and looked back down to her notes, and the structure-less doodle that lay in front of her instead of the history notes she should have been taking.

Bella glanced at the clock. Just five more minutes and she might be able to get some answers – she certainly hadn't managed to come up with any in the rest of her wasted day. Lunch time, rather than sit with her friends, she'd cried off, telling them that she had to run an errand for her father, and ended up driving her truck up and down the roads around the school, radio blaring countless boy-bands and soft rock, as she tried to piece her thoughts together into a coherent pattern.

She couldn't help but wonder what Alice, Edward and the rest of the Cullen's were doing on this rare sunny day. Thoughts of Alice brought the usual sinking feeling tummy flip, and thoughts of Edward almost brought her out in hives. Just what the hell was she going to say to him? How was she going to react around him after everything everyone had said? While she'd been thankful many times before that he couldn't read her mind, never had she felt so soul-shatteringly relieved. It still didn't help with the next big worry – how long could she put off seeing him until she had this sorted out straight in her mind.

She knew that she needed something, something so that things could not go back to how they were, but so that she could change and maybe start behaving with Edward as she did _allegedly_ around Alice. Then there wouldn't be a problem. Her father wouldn't hurt anymore...

'Oh Daddy...' she thought sadly. How her poor lonely stoic father had been feeling for so long and she never knew. She was so lucky to have him in her life, despite all the years and memories together that she'd thrown away so callously and with no real thought. She knew that every moment together from now on was precious and she was never going to waste another second with him, before _or_ after her change.

It suddenly occurred to her how liberating her decision was. For years all she'd heard from Edward and the Cullens was that in order to be turned, she'd have to leave her life and those she loved behind. It still disgusted her that she'd so readily agreed to that caveat, but now, with her new decision and resolution firmly in place, she knew that no matter what, she'd never back down from this. The Volturi she would deal with later, she even considered that if she truly did have a gift useful to them, that she would happily barter spending her father's remaining years with him in full knowledge of his daughters new life, against a century of servitude to them.

So why had it taken until now for her to realise this? It felt like she'd been asleep, long before Edward, Forks, Vampires, Werewolves and anything else that goes bump in the night – or day for that matter. Why was she so...empty? Charlie and Alice said it was her mother, but wasn't that a tad unfair? Sure her mother was flakey, in the nicest possible way, but she wasn't cruel, belittling or manipulative. She just wasn't really cut out to be a mother. She'd make a great Aunt or Grandma, but Renee's maternal instincts ran out long before she fell pregnant with Bella.

So isn't it simplistic to think that it was all Renee's fault? Surely the fault was Bella's and Bella's alone. She was a thoughtless little bitch.

Instantly Alice's voice rang through her head like the sounding of a chapel bell. 'Cut that out right now Miss Swan! You're kind, loving, warm, funny, generous and did I forget loving!? So knock it off and stop being a whiney-ass little cry baby!'

"Sheesh, thanks Alice." Bella muttered under her breath.

Before the girl in front could turn around to glare for the fifth time the bell rang and with it the tension that had been building all day in Bella's body.

'Finally, time to get some answers...I hope.' she thought as she rushed to beat the other students out of the class.

Bella got to her truck, by-passing her locker completely, in record time and was shocked to see Angela already there waiting, leaning carefully against the rusty old goliath. Bella's heart grew a little again – her friend, obviously aware that something important was going on with Bella had made sure that she was ready to give Bella all the time she needed. Bella reminded herself that before the night was over she needed to tell Angela exactly how much she meant to her – she'd been wasting so much time on all the...mess from the last few years and had neglected some really important things. In a few short months Angela and Bella would be going their seperate ways, and she might never even see this wonderful young woman again; never see her grow into herself, get married, start a family, have a powerful and fulfilling career...

'I'm not letting a single minute get away ever again.' though Bella with gritted determination.

Angela caught sight of Bella hurrying across the parking lot, so fast she thought, that knowing Bella as well as she did she was worried the girl would find something or nothing to trip over and hurt herself. Miraculously, Bella made it to Angela without accident and greeted the girl with a huge smile and a tight hug. Surprised, but pleasantly, Angela returned the hug, with maybe a little less strength.

"Thank's Ange. You're awesome you know that?"

Angela chuckled and blushed slightly. Bella was sure acting strangely and despite how wonderful it was to see Bella emoting in a positive way for once, her keen intellect and curiosity were far stronger and she couldn't wait to get them home.

"Well, thanks I guess." she replied graciously. "Now, if we stop off to get some groceries for dinner, by the time we get to my house the boys will be long gone and we can get down to some serious stuff. Okay?"

"Sounds perfect." Bella smiled, and with that the two girls got to their separate vehicles and drove into town.

* * *

><p>"That was delicious." said Bella. Unlike the meals made by Esme, which were heaven but Bella was rarely able to contribute or help out, something she always felt a little guilty for, tonight the two young women laughed, played and had great fun preparing the meal together. Angela even tried to get Bella to sing and dance with her around the kitchen, but it hadn't worked when Alice tried it, so it certainly wasn't going to work when Angela turned her pout on.<p>

Her thoughts flicked momentarily to Alice and how much she would have enjoyed hanging with them – 'stinky human food' not withstanding. Bella smiled.

"Thinking about Edward?" Angela teased, as the put the last plate in the dishwasher and turned the machine on.

"What? Oh, no...er, Alice actually." Bella replied, caught in the act.

"Oh, I see." Angela replied cryptically with a smile. "I should have known."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bella said confusion all over her faintly blushing face.

"It's just you have several smiles, and that kinda smile is reserved for Alice...and Alice alone."

Bella was momentarily stunned. Did she do that? Yet again, someone else lent more credence to her father's observations. It galled her that she was so obvious to everyone else, yet finding out that she didn't really know herself...at all. Slowly, she moved back over to her chair in the dining room, and sat down solemnly, deep in thought.

"Did...I say something wrong?" Angela asked, worried she'd upset her friend and joined her in the dining room.

"What?" Bella said distractedly. "Oh, no. Sorry Ange...it's just..." she paused.

'Now or never' she thought to herself.

"It's just that that's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about."

"What Alice? Have you fallen out with her? Is that why the Cullens weren't at school today?" Ange leaned forward in her chair conspiratorially.

"No, nothing like that. Alice is away with...family but some of them will be back soon I'm sure. Alice should be back Friday I think."

"They sure seem to have quite a few breaks. Never affects their grade point though." Angela said, slightly jealously. "Sorry, so what's bothering you Bella, I can see it's worried you all day."

Bella smiled and patted Angela's hand in gratitude. Taking a deep breath, she placed her slightly shaking hands in front of her and told her best human friend everything. Well, everything except the Vampire bits. She told her of the proposal, the fight with her father, and yes, as much of 'The Talk' as she could accurately remember. She fluffed a bit about Alice overhearing and changed it to her telling Alice the next day and what Alice had said. She culminated it with a fraction of the importance of this mornings revelation by changing 'being turned by' into 'going away abroad with' – the leaving her father, or not now as the case may be, being the important part of that decision.

Finally, with all of that 'out there' hanging in the air around them she collapsed back in her chair with a sigh.

"Wow Bells...you really do play your cards to your chest don't you?" Angela said, sitting back in her own chair mirroring Bella's body language. She'd sat patiently and quietly thoughout the entire account, trying to take it all in and not interupt or jump to any conclusions. This _was_ big.

"...I guess?" Bella replied uncertainly.

"You're _engaged_ Bella! While in High School! That's massive, and that's not even the biggest part!" Angela's voice rose as she became more animated. "Bella, are you telling me you don't love Edward anymore?"

"No! That's not what I'm saying..." she replied. "It's just...more complicated than I thought I guess..."

"Let me get this straight okay?" Angela asked. After receiving a nod from Bella she continued. "So, Edward won't go beyond first base – which by the way I never saw _that_ coming!" Bella blushed Fire truck red. "And he said he's waiting for marriage, okay, old-fashioned but not totally unheard of. Then you say that soon the Cullens are moving away and won't be coming back and the only way you can go with them is if you marry Edward?" she paused.

Finally, Bella nodded affirmative - she had no choice, but hearing her twisting of the facts relayed back to her, made it sound crazy, but there was no way she could tell Angela the truth, so she had to stick with the lie.

"But that's crazy Bella. Why can't you go along and just be with him without getting married?"

"Because he's old-fashioned, and his parents don't want to interfere. So I'm not allowed to move with them – live with them – unless he 'makes an honest woman of me'." Even hearing herself say it made her cringe at the possessiveness and inherent ownership that went with it. Why a woman couldn't do just as a man does without being labelled as being lesser or tainted was something she was becoming more and more aware of – and it was starting to bother her.

Since 'The Talk', she'd thought about her love of classic romantic and gothic romantic literature, including her favourite 'Wuthering Heights'. She was struggling, but maybe beginning to see that they weren't so romantic after-all. She'd have to bring this up with Angela sometime.

"Well, I think it's crazy...but okay, so why can't you go to College somewhere close to where they move to – that way you can still stay together and see them, but you won't be so..." Angela stopped, lost for the right words.

"I know, I'd thought of that." Bella lied. "But that's not the biggest thing. The biggest thing – is Alice and my dad right?"

Angela thought seriously for a second. How could she answer that? She'd only known Bella since Junior year, and now they were in their senior year, so it wasn't really a lot to go on. She cast her mind back over the time she had known her. She recalled the first few days with Bella, when she'd just arrived at school. Sure she was shy, but she was also a little brash, and there was a little spirit to her. Then she recalled how angry and aggravated she'd been when Edward had returned from his visit to his family in Alaska. After that, she'd calmed down but was always looking to Edward, always clinging to him, or watching for his lead.

It hadn't really occurred to her at the time, but now that she was looking back with a more critical eye, she had to agree with Bella's father and Alice, she had changed – from what little she knew about her – when she was with Edward. And she told Bella such.

"But...erm...what about..." Bella struggled. She didn't like that everyone seemed to be in agreement and what that would mean for her future, but she was just as concerned about... 'the Other Thing'.

"What Bella?"

Bella coughed, and took the time to take a sip of water from the almost empty tumbler in front of her. Putting the now warm glass of water back onto it's coaster she said, "What about the..._Alice_ thing?"

The _Alice _thing? Oh right. Angela caught on. "Oh, that!? Well erm..." she took a moment to think. Bella had told her that Charlie thought that Bella came more alive, became more her own person when she was with Alice, but did Angela see that?

She thought back to conversations in the canteen, when Bella, Edward and Alice would join her and the rest of her friends for lunch. And when Alice transferred into Angela and Bella's gym class – a timetable conflict she'd said. She thought to how Bella acted when talking with Edward, and with Alice.

With Edward, Bella backed down and conceded to him. She'd caught Bella looking almost terrified when someone would say something to Edward, or when Edward was making a statement – why? She didn't know, but looking back she could tell that Bella felt like everything or anything had the possibility to...to what? Take Edward away from her? Whilst probably not accurate, it certainly fit the image she saw in her head of Bella's face at the lunch table.

Angela counterpointed that with images and movies of her talking with Alice. When Alice would tease Bella, Bella would tease back, giving as good as she got – and more often than not earning a tongue poked back at her for her efforts from the always charming and funny Alice Cullen. She mentally smiled at all the times Alice talked Bella into going on shopping trips, the way Bella would grumble and mutter, and the delight the tiny girl would have in pinching Bella's cheeks and cooing at her. Which only, of course, embarrassed the girl even more, leading to more huffing and grumbling and more delighted giggles from the little sprite. But even with all that, Bella never looked or seemed frightened, worried or concerned.

"Well..." Angela started. "I don't know if I would completely agree with your father Bella, because I didn't really know you growing up, though I would have loved to." She smiled, and Bella returned it easily. "But, from the time you've been at school with me, then...yeah. I can see a difference. I think you're dad's kinda on the ball with that."

"So what does that all mean? And why can't I see all this for myself?" Bella whined.

"It's always easier to see others than it is to be objective about one's self Bella, but maybe this is a blessing...maybe that your dad's pointed all this out in time to stop you from making a big mistake with your life."

"What?!" Bella exclaimed. Raising her left hand, palm facing her and showing Angela her engagement ring. "Do you think this is a mistake?" she said, her pitch rising with each word.

"Isn't it?" Angela knew Bella could bolt at any second, but the girl had come to her, she needed this... she needed a sounding board and someone to push her a little. If anything about her story spoke to her, it was that Bella was like a little-girl-lost, and she needed some guidance, stern maybe, to help get her back on her true course.

"I love him Angela. I love him so much it hurts!"

Angela sighed. "It's not supposed to hurt Bella." she said softly, and watched as the indignation left Bella, and she fell back into her seat, her arm making a thud on the table. Angela reached across and held the jewel encrusted hand.

"Bella, all I'm saying is just think. You just finished telling me that you never wanted to get married, but now within a few weeks you've changed your mind and are going to get married right after graduation. You've also told me that a part of you is aware that if you don't do this, you'll lose Edward and the rest of the Cullens when they move away." she paused. She was about to bring up something she'd never thought she ever would. She though doing so was dangerous and might push Bella away, but if ever there was a time, this was it. With a deep breath she bolstered herself for the coming storm.

"Remember last winter? Remember how you were when they left? Are you sure that's not what this is all about Bella? You...they..._broke_ you when they left. _Everyone_ saw it. _Nobody_ knew what to do and you wouldn't let anyone in. Not me, not Jess or Mike or anyone. You looked liked you'd given up on life Bella. You scared us all. We didn't know what to say and just being around you scared us Bella." she paused for another deep breath. "Are you sure that's not why you agreed to this marriage? Are you sure it's not because you're still so afraid that they could leave you behind at any moment – if you say the wrong word, do the wrong thing, not be the girlfriend that Edward expects or wants? Are you sure it's not because deep down you think they'll leave you again?"

Tears flooded Bella's eyes, the burning in her tear-ducts a minuscule fragment of the pain in her heart as Angela's words soaked into her very being. 'She's right.' she thought over and over again. 'She's fucking right.' Fear, that basic primal emotion was what drove her every action with the Cullens. With Edward. If she didn't do as they expected, as they wished, they'd leave. It was never said, but it was what she felt, down deep in the muggy, sticky, black corners of her soul. She barely felt Angela's grip tighten on her hand, for she was lost in the waves of fear, guilt, panic and pain that this deeply accurate revelation had unleashed on her.

Esme, Emmett and Carlisle had all said that they wouldn't leave her again. So had Edward, but she didn't believe them. In her heart, she knew that if they had to, if they could have left her once, they would be able to leave her again. Suddenly she felt angry – not just at them, but at herself. Why should she have to be a caricature of herself just to earn their love and company? Wasn't being herself enough? And if it wasn't enough, then why should she feel so soul-shatteringly bad – her life over – if they didn't want to be with her anymore. Shouldn't they both be losers, rather than just her?

_Alice_...

Alice came to her mind, but for some reason she couldn't quite make her fit in with the rest of the Cullen coven. After-all, Alice had come back to her of her own free will – ignoring her families wishes, agreed – she'd thought Bella was dead and just needed to see for herself, so it wasn't a perfectly altruistic or even a perfect example of Alice's love for Bella outstripping the demands of her familial duties, but it was far more than any of the other Cullen's had ever done. And for some reason, Alice's assurances that she would never leave her, unless Bella truly wanted her to leave, meant something. Still as intangible as the promises from most of the other Cullens, but in Alice's case, there was definitely something there, something different that made Bella believe it. That even if Carlisle pack Edward and the rest of the family off to gods knows where, that Alice (and probably Jasper) would stay behind with her.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I didn't mean to make you cry..." Angela anguished, tears starting to form in her own eyes.

Bella sniffed, and used her right hand to wipe her eyes, before looking deeply into her friend's.

"Thanks Angela. You're a true friend. I...I don't think I'd have ever faced this on my own...I think...I think I buried this and I've let it fester. I guess, that it's been driving my decisions for a while now, and it's not right. Charlie's...Dad's right. I've been such a pathetic girl..."

"No! Don't say that...it's not pathetic..." she struggled to find the right encouraging words. "It's...it's...it's certainly not healthy, but you've caught it in time. You've got your dad and me and the rest of your friends behind you Bella. You don't have to be afraid anymore..." Angela squeezed the girls hand tightly, as a few tears spilled onto the shiny oak veneered table.

"Why am I like this? Why am I...do I so desperately want to belong somewhere?" Bella sobbed.

Angela let go of her friends hand and hurried around the table, pulling out the chair next to her friend and wrapped her in her arms, pulling her almost onto her lap and held her, cooing and soothing her as best as she could. She felt honour that Bella trusted her enough to come to her with all this, but she felt bad that she hadn't seen all this under the surface. Had she really been a good friend? Could she have done or said something sooner and prevented this? She tried to put her own self-admonishment out of her head until later – there would be plenty of time for that. For now, she needed to be here for Bella and she knew from the way the poor girl was sobbing on her chest that there was a lot more inside of her that needed lancing out. "Let's find out shall we?" she said softly before kissing the back of the girl's head and holding her close.

The girls retired up to Angela's room after the crying had stopped. Bella had left a message that she was spending the night at her friends and would check in with Charlie in the morning. She'd taken, gratefully, a couple of Advil, to try and stave off what she knew was going to be a hell of a headache, and tried to replenish at least a few pints of the water she'd shed. She thought about Alice, and the rest of the Cullens. What it must be like to need to cry like that, to feel the pressure and buring in your eyes but to never get the endorphin release, as well as the physical release of pressure behind the eyes. She felt sorry for her friend and vowed that she would always try and ensure nothing made Alice want to cry.

After settling down face to face on Angela's queen sized bed, Bella began to tell her friend the whole story of her childhood. From playing naked in the paddling pool with Jacob to her parent's screaming fights and slamming doors, when she would hug her brown bear cuddly toy that her dad's friend Harry had gotten her for her first birthday, and cry herself to sleep in the dark. She told Angela, about her kicking and screaming to go back to her daddy, as her mommy dragged her into her car, and locked her into the child-proof backseats. The faint but devastingly painful blurry and half forgotten memory of her father's face as her mother drove her away...how her whole body clenched, squeezing her like you'd squeeze the pulp and juice from an orange, as she needed to be held in his rough yet gentle arms just one more time.

Then she talked about her childhood in Arizona, how days were spent bouncing between schoolwork and trying, as only a six year old can, to clean house, make dinners, and look after her own mom. She told her about school, and the few friends she'd made. She'd never had sleepovers, and was never invited to one. She recalled how heartbroken she was when she'd invited Sarah Williams to her tenth birthday party, and she never came. She'd always like Sarah. She was always so pretty, her hair was long, and soft, and she always wore pretty silver and pink ribbons in her hair, and the prettiest dresses. She'd longed to be like Sarah, and she longed to have Sarah as her friend. She watched her in class and was always proud when Sarah got her questions right. But after the failed party, she couldn't bring herself to look at Sarah anymore, and after that she kinda withdrew a little more. Things sort of changed when she went to Junior High. She found a few more girls like her, quiet and unpopular, but not 'freaks' and she hung with them as much as they hung with her. She'd never had a boyfriend - was never really into them, and certainly didn't get all the nonesense she could hear the other girls at school going on about. She kept her head down, and she learnt that she was just pretty enough not to get bullied, quiet enough that most people even forgot she was there, and good enough with her studies that the teachers left her alone.

Throughout all this Angela didn't say anything, a soft gaze, tear filled eyes, and the occasional touch kept reminding Bella, that she wasn't alone now, and she didn't have to be anymore. Bella cried a few more times that evening, and when Angela's family arrived home, with a sad smile Angela got up, kissed Bella's head and went down to welcome them back and explain she had her friend upset in her room and she was staying over - so could they please leave them both alone. Bella took this time to have a 'good cry' and get it all out. The pain killers were surely in her system now, but it didn't feel like and and she took some more from the bottle next to her water on Angela's bedside table. Angela came back with a plateful of cookies and two glasses of cold milk on a tray, and despite having eaten only a couple of hours ago, Bella realized how hungry she was. In companionable silence, the two ate, their muffled cruching and munching the only sounds in the room.

After they'd finished, they both recognized that Bella still needed to talk, and resumed their positions on the bed, this time, with Bella lying on her back one arm over her sore eye's blocking out the painful light from the lamps illuminating her friends bedroom.

"If you want to stop..." Angela offered.

"No, it's okay. It's really helping - if that's alright..."

"Of course it's alright!" Angela urged. "I'm honoured you trust me enough to tell me all this."

Bella smiled, the top half of her face still obscurred by her arm. "I haven't told anyone all this - not even Alice. It's just she's...to close to it - you know? And I need your advice, I need you to know everything so that maybe you can help me to work out who I'm supposed to be."

Angela smiled in return. "I'm right here, and I'll do everything I can. Before you continue, would you tell me more about Sarah? If it's not too painful?" Angela asked.

Bella was confused. "Er...sure." she said, though it sounded more like a question. Why was Angela asking about Sarah? "Well...she was very pretty, she was very thin. She did ballet with me, well, she was in my class. She was so much better than me, and I'd watch her as she practiced on the beam and it was like I'd imagined a proper ballet dancer would move like. I don't know what happened to her, but she was the right size and shape to be a professional dancer. She was small, thin, tiny, tiny feet. Her dark brown hair was always perfectly wavy and her blue eye's sometimes glittered green, especially when she giggled." Bella stopped when she heard a single chortle from her friend, and removed her arm from her sore eyes. She turned and looked at Angela and the knowing look on her friend's face.

"What?"

"Who does that sound like?" Angela asked with a smirk?

"Huh?" Bella eloquently replied. She was utterly confused.

"I said, dear Bella, who does your ex-friend Sarah sound like?"

Her grin was starting to annoy her for some reason. "Er...Natalie Portman?" Bella guessed.

Angela snorted. "Riiiight..." she said. " Nevermind, please continue..."

Bella looked at her, a puzzled expression on her face. When her friend wasn't any more forthcoming she decided she'd ignore whatever nonesense her friend was vaguely trying to point out and continue with her story. She picked up where she left off, Junior High. She told of her now cancelled trips back to Forks, feeling like she didn't have anything in common with the stranger that was now her father - in name only really. And instead spent her days playing house and keeping track of her mothers antics and fads. Bella had given up dance, and hadn't replaced it with anything. She'd toyed with the idea of learning guitar but figured if she didn't have full control over the rest of her body, what chance did she have at controlling her fingers with something that required precise dexterity. So instead she read, she read everything she could find to take her out of her own life and transplate herself into another character. She read fantasy, science fiction, the classics, young-adult books - basically anything with a female lead character.

At school Bella had found her way, without much effort, into a few Advanced Placement classes, and so what other little time she had left to herself was spent studying. This continued on until she reached her dreaded teenage years, and that was when she met Malory McDonald. Malory was the head cheerleader at her previous school, and being new to Bella's school, Bella was asked to be her chaperone until Malory found her feet. The two were complete opposites, Malory was outgoing, instantly popular and pursued by boys wanting to date her and girls wanting to be friends with her. Her short somewhat spikey reddish auburn hair was like burnt copper glowing hot in the midday Arizona sun and her flawless white skin, dotted only slightly with a few freckles on her nose and around her cheeks added to the impossible beauty she had. Bella felt downright mousey next to her. Where as Bella prided herself on her almost invisiblity, Malory was loud, gregarious and engaged with everyone - student and teacher alike. And yet, Malory was friends with Bella. Sure, most of the days at school she'd be in the center of her own perfect storm of groupies, wannabees and potential suitors, but to and from school, and some weekends, Malory was all Bella's. Bella hadn't really had any friends, certianly not close girl-friends and was more than a little uncomfortable at first, but slowly she began to trust this strangly otherworldly girl and open up.

It all came crashing down on Malory's fourteenth birthday. The day before she'd invited Bella out to the local park for a walk, it was a Saturday, and depsite having to do the laundry, the cleaning and do a grocery shop, Bella blew all that off and accompanied her friend. Almost instantly she knew something was up. Her friend wasn't behaving like herself at all. She was nervous, twitchy, and quiet, and Bella started to wonder if she'd made some terrible mistake and this was Malory's way to breaking the news she didn't want anything to do with her anymore.

Instead, when they'd walked for what seemed like miles in the sweltering heat, until there was completely and utterly alone, and the uncomfortable silence had become even more oppressing than the heat, Malory stopped walking. It took an extra stride before Bella noticed and stopped to, and as she turned around to see what was wrong with her friend, she found herself colliding with her instead. That wasn't the weirdest thing.

The weirdest things was that Malloy's arms were wrapped around Bella's neck, and Mallory's lips were wrapped around Bella's lips.

Time stood still. She wasn't sure if it was an hour or a second, but when she came to she found herself pushing Mallory off her with such force the girl fell backwards onto the hard ground, her short skirt not protecting the backs of her thighs from the red hot and sharp rocks, and the girl cried out in pain.

"What...huh...what...?" Bella had struggled to say.

"Ow!" Mallory screamed as she fell, then rushed up brushing at her legs, tears already pouring down her face, mascara running like black rivers, painting her face like a sad, lonely clown.

Bella didn't move. Afterwards she felt guilty at her reaction and for not helping her friend but in the moment she was stunned.

Mallory took one look at the stupified and horrified expression on the face of her friend and cried. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...I thought...You and me...I'm sorry." and with that she ran away crying and stumbling away from Bella. Bella recalled noticing the thin rivulets of blood running down the back of her friends thights and staining her short pleated skirt, but still she stood there - motionless.

Mallory never spoke to her again, and as far as she could tell, never even looked at her again. And so Bella with a quiet tear went back to being invisible.

She'd never met a gay female before. Some of the classes and fads her mother had briefly immersed herself in had brought some gay male adults to her house, and Bella was aware of gay people and issues and stuff. But she'd always associated 'gay' with 'male', and that other word... the 'L' word. Well, from what she'd heard around school yards and from TV was resigned to women that wanted to be men, looked like men, acted like men and that scared and confused her. She didn't understand that. Sure she could see that men especially boy's had things a lot easier than girls, periods not withstanding, but why you'd want to be something you're not and have all that...hate spat at you daily was something as foreign to young Bella as studying Particle Physics in Aramaic might have been. It never occured to her that a girl that looked like Mallory could be...well, that. And what confused her more was shortly after...it happened...Mallory was on the cheerleading squad and dating a football player. A male football player. It was all so upseting and confusing, so she put it behind her and moved on. The next year Phil arrived on the scene and life was busy and hectic all over again. Bella finally concluded the story bringing Angela back up to date, ending it with her decision and relocation back to her original home town of Forks.

Throughout all this Bella kept her eye's closed. She couldn't believe she'd told anyone all this, especially not the Mallory story. Even her mother didn't know that one - she'd just been upset for an evening when Bella told her, that they weren't friends anymore and Renee had almost blithly said that it was to be expected, they moved in different circles, and were so different that she'd been expecting something like this not long after the two had met. That had only made teenage Bella even more sad, but that wasn't going to get her anywhere, so instead, with a sniff, she carried on with her homework and preparing dinner, whilst her mother struggled with her Pilates on the floor in front of the TV.

Silence descened on the room, and with each heartbeat Bella felt it's pressure pushing down on her. Summoning up more courage than she really felt she turned back onto her side and looked at her friend. Her crying friend. How long had she been crying? She watched in dismay as silent tears ran down well established tracks as her friend lie quietly shaking, her silent sobs breaking Bella's heart.

"Ange...what's wrong? What did I do? Have I...offended you?" Bella pleaded, her right arm paused about an inch from her friends shoulder, suddenly hyper-consious of touching her friend and whether she was about to lose another.

Angela sniffled, and tried to stop. When she couldn't she partially sat up and threw herself into Bella, wrapping herself around Bella as best she could.

"Ooof" Bella expelled from the force of her friend attaching herself to her like a limpet. Slowly Bella wrapped her own arms around her crying friend, and returned the kindess from before, smoothing her back, and cooing to her, telling her 'it's okay' and 'there, there...' - anything to get her friend to calm down and tell her what was wrong.

After almost twenty minutes - the clock confirmed that - Angela had calmed down enough. Bella could feel a cold wet patch on her left shoulder but daren't mention it or try to move her friend for fear of upsetting her again. She still had no idea what set her off, unless...unless she was totally freaked out about the Mallory thing and was frightened that Bella was going to do the same to her... 'As if!' She snorted to herself. Slowly Angela unclamped herself and quickly turned around to the other bedside table on her half of the bed. Pulling open a draw roughly, the wood grating against wood deafening in the oppressive silence of the room, as Angela rooted around. Finally she pulled out a wad of plain white tissues and with a couple of good blows, a sniff and a sigh, tidied herself up. Her shoulders rose, as Bella watched from behind, as if Angela was taking a deep breath to prepare herself to turn around and face her (ex?) friend. Watching Bella held her own breath.

Angela slowly turned around and with sore red eye's of her own, magnified by the thickness of the spectacle lenses she always wore, gazed sadly at her friend.

"Oh Bella, I'm so, so sorry you went through all that..." she finally said.

Bella was stunned. Of everything she was preparing herself to hear, she wasn't expecting that. "Huh?" she managed to get out.

Angela looked confused at Bella's confusion. "What you just told me - about Sarah, and Mallory. I can't believe you just told me...Am I...Am I the first to know?"

Bella was even more confused now. She truly had not a single clue as to what Angela was blathering on about. She quickly tried to think through all of what she'd said, trying to see if she'd said something she didn't realise that would give her some clue as to what her friend was a) upset about and b) implying.

She came up with nothing.

"Huh?" she managed again.

"Bella...am I the first person you've come out to?" Angela asked.

"What?...I...How?...what the FUCK?!" Bella screamed.


End file.
